Sexual harassment can be defined in many ways, and the lack of clear worldwide consensus on the nature of the term was one of the arguments thrown around by people who were annoyed by the Me too -campaign. My news feed on social media filled with complaints from people genuinely worried about whether men will be allowed to tell silly sexist jokes at the office Christmas party anymore, or innocently enough touch a female colleague’s shoulder without an instant crucifixion by angry feminists.
Instead of providing definitions for the term, this article will discuss the intriguing outrage that poured out of some people due to women publicly sharing their personal experiences with sexual harassment. If you read a post by a female friend, colleague or a stranger titled #metoo, and your first reaction was to point out that men also face sexual harassment, I’m afraid you missed the point. This is not a competition, but rather about basic humane attributes such as empathy, compassion and hopefully outrage and shock towards the magnitude of this all-too-common sickening phenomenon. Statistically, women face more sexual harassment from men than men do from women. When your argument to a woman’s complaint about sexual harassment is to point out that women harass men too, you are trying to create the illusion that these two problems are of the same magnitude. They are not. Both are wrong, but they are not comparable.
I am allowed to speak about breast cancer, without having to also bring up testicle cancer.
Whenever we are having a discussion about women, there is always a group of people hurrying up to the scene demanding men be paid attention too. Men face sexual harassment as well, some by women others by men. Nobody is denying this. But why is it so hard to allow women to get their voices heard without someone thinking men are being deprived? Can you not recognize a serious issue without making it about yourself? Can you not allow women to share their experiences about the ongoing sexual harassment they have had to put up with since childhood? Being groped by a lady at a bar once in your lifetime does not mean you can say you have gone through same kind of physical and emotional torture some women have endured for a lifetime.
I am allowed to speak about breast cancer, without having to also bring up testicle cancer, and all the other countless horrible forms of cancer. This does not mean I don’t believe every form of cancer is a serious illness and should be treated accordingly. Hearing a woman speak about the abuse they have faced and instantly making the conversation about you is nothing more than selfish and beside the point. If your reaction to the Me too -campaign was “What about me!?” then I argue you didn’t quite get it.
Let her speak – it’s good for ALL of us!
Sexual harassment women face is proportionally much greater than what men face today. All kind of sexual harassment should be taken seriously, no matter the harasser or the victim. But how can we expect the more marginal cases of sexual harassment ever to be discussed seriously or to even get reported by the victims, if the kind of sexual harassment half of the world’s population faces can’t be dealt with the respect and seriousness is demands? If people fail to see sexual harassment women face is a horrible global phenomenon, how can we in all seriousness imagine tackling cases that make up only a tiny percentage of all reported sexual harassment incidents, like sexual harassment targeted towards gays, transgender people or men? Allowing each other to speak, listening and trying to understand will need to happen so we can change for the better.
Allowing someone else to speak does not mean you don’t have a voice. Acknowledging someone else’s trauma does not mean you don’t have any. Listening, understanding, and supporting does not make anyone less of a man, on the contrary. Let the women speak!
Illustration by Pinja Oja