Whether you’re about to turn the big 2-1 or are preparing for a night out to celebrate Single Awareness Day (also commonly referred to as Valentine’s Day), knowing the do’s and don’ts of alcohol is imperative to a successful night out.
Before you approach the bartender with, “Um…err…I’ll take one of those thingies,” you can avoid the embarrassment by brushing up on your bar knowledge before it’s time to order.
Brew Business
While most girls prefer a mai tai or strawberry daiquiri, it is better to expand your horizons with the male-dominant drink: beer. Expand your horizons and impress the cutie standing at the bar with some beer terminology.
You may sound like you’re referring to some sort of bouquet or cornucopia (“oh, yes, that has a nutty quality about it”) or something similar to that, but your intelligence will be a huge turnon. For anyone that isn’t a beer aficionado, here’s a breakdown of the flavor profiles:
Aggressive: As you might expect, an aggressive beer has a boldly assertive aroma and/or taste (You’ll know when you’re drinking one of these).
Balanced: The malt and hops are in similar proportions—the flavor has an equal representation of the sweetness from the malt and bitterness from the hop.
Body: The sensation of fullness—beer is generally described as anywhere from thin to full-bodied.
Complex: The beer is multidimensional—involving many flavors and sensations.
Crisp: The beer is highly carbonated—usually means the beer is also on the drier side.
Estery: Full or aromas that resemble fruits.
Floral: Full of aromas that are reminiscent of flowers.
Fruity: As I’m sure you have already guessed—the beer has flavors similar to various fruits.
Hoppy: Hoppy means the hops have earthy, herbal, spicy, or citrusy aromas and flavors.
Malty: The flavors are derived from malted grain. Malty beers are usually on the sweeter side.
Mouthfeel: The tactile sensations of alcoholic warmth, carbonation, dryness, and the like.
Roasty/toasty: This describes the malt flavors.
Robust: Robust describes a rich and full-bodied beer.
Now that you’ve impressed your prospective boy-toy of the evening, let’s move on to some harder stuff, like liquor.
Cocktails
“What’ll you have?” asks the bartender. Frantically, you try and remember all of those old episodes of Sex and the City you binged on last finals week and realize that you really aren’t as well versed in bar lingo as Carrie Bradshaw. Come to the bar with a game plan. If you have something already planned to order, here’s what you need to know:
1. Always order the drink with the name of the liquor first. Ex: “Vodka Soda, please.” Never: “Soda with vodka.” That just sounds weird.
2. There are different price ranges when it comes to buying and what you shell out is what you should expect.
3. Some terminology:
Well drink: Typically made with the cheapest kind of liquor they have (the stuff you can usually find at any local house party).
Call drink: You specify the brand of liquor you want in your drink. Ex: “Can I have Crown and Coke?”
Premium: This stuff is high quality and usually located on the top shelf of any bar. If you plan on ordering one of these, don’t be surprised when you stumble through your wallet the next morning with a tab over $100.
A Note on Bar Behavior:
Bartenders, just like waiters and other people in the service industry, are there to do exactly that—serve you. So why not show them that you really appreciated their time, effort, and skill by following a few simple rules of bar etiquette. Hey, without them, who knows? You’d probably still be sitting on the couch in your Snuggie finishing off that pint of Ben & Jerry’s.
1. When you’re trying to get the attention of a bartender, don’t yell at them; it’s not going to get their attention any sooner and you just look obnoxious—not cute. Also, be sure to know what you want before they come over too—the bartender and the other people waiting don’t have time for you.
2. If the bar is packed, it’s rude to stand at the bar after you’ve been served. You want everyone to get his or her chance at the watering hole, right?
3. If you’ve decided to run a tab for the evening, it’s customary to tip around 20 percent, but if you’re ordering drinks one by one, tipping one dollar for every poison works too.
Now that you’ve gained a little bar know-how, it’s time to put it to good use, but as always, drink responsibly and keep it classy.