I hate change. Like, HATE it. I hated when the characters in the Harry Potter movies stopped wearing their robes in the third movie. I hated it when they switched Marnie Piper with Sarah Paxton in the last Halloweentown (horrible; keep Aquamarine to the water, please). And after finally settling into a somewhat-routine here at Harvard after two very strange years, I HATE HOW EVERYTHING IS DIFFERENT. But as I start to readjust to the Harvard of this year, I’m realizing that all of these changes might not be terrible. Perhaps without open clubs, I’ll be a better student! Perhaps with more lunch options, I’ll eat healthier? Or perhaps, since I hate change and pretty much run away from all of it, I’ll become a miserable little hermit and spend the year hiding with the cockroaches under my bunk bed, occasionally wandering out for Greenhouse Cafe and Kong. I dunno. But to help you figure out what you’ll do with all these changes, I’ve compiled a list of what I think are the most important ones coming at us this year. Goodbye old Harvard (lol heard that before) and hello Harvard of the future.
1. Ladiez up!
Harvard — the OG old boys club — has technically been a playing ground for both men and women since the seventies. Except not really, since certain aspects considered by some to be crucial to the Harvard experience are still today, in 2015, in the age of BEYONCE, cut off to women. And women of Harvard are simply not having it. Stay tuned this year to see the drama playing out between the really old, male-only Hasty Pudding Show (where women can do everything except be on stage) and the take-no-shit women who have signed up to be in it, as well as the standoff between the administration and the Final Clubs, many of whom may soon become co-ed.
2. Speaking of which — Final Clubs down.
Whether you see this as good or bad, it’s definitely one of the most radical changes on campus this year. Many people are thanking/ blaming Dean Kurana — word has it he demanded the clubs go co-ed or cease existing — but it seems real motivator for this (potentially long-time-coming) change is probably the federal crackdown on sexual assault on college campuses across the country. Title IX violations are a serious no-no, and props to both Dean Khurana and like, the nation, for finally recognizing that this is an issue, and making strides to deal with it. However, pointing an accusatory finger at male clubs and entirely dismantling a very minor part of Harvard’s social scene may not be the solution. Some aspects of Final Clubs certainly promote an unsafe campus atmosphere and negativity on campus. But is point-blank party-prevention really the answer? And as much as I’m all in with doing everything possible to end rape culture, I’m feeling a little bit like Ariel in footloose. With the only large, loud, dark locations to party in a close and relatively safe environment closed, is there any accessible space on campus where I can go to safely hangout and dance? I JUST WANT TO DANCE.
3. HUDS: WOW.
Unless you are a noob of the sort who doesn’t eat in the dhall (“I only eat fresh and organic”/ “I’m stuck up and like to pay for all my meals”/ “I’m a vampire and they don’t serve blood”), you have probably noticed that HUDS’ food game this year is waaaaay up. Like, almost to the level of appetizing. Though the new swipe machines may have you a little flustered, the constant chili station at lunch (that vegetarian chili with cornbread though **swoon**), the strangely sporadic yet gourmet ciabatta bread station, and the increased variety of stuff-to-put-in-yogurt bar at breakfast have got me munching heartier and healthier than ever before. More fruit? Yes please. Fresh squeezed juices? Also yes. A new, better, more delicious HUDS? This is a change I’m well equipped to deal with.
Also, there are rumors about cinnamon buns. Uhghhhghhghhhgh.
4. Goodbye Al’s, Hello Liquiteria.
Crushingly, the reign of Al’s as the king of all sandwich places on campus is coming to an end. Although this means the Smith Campus Center is on it’s way to becoming something more than a name, it also means that someday far too soon I will not be able to get a six-inch steak pizzaiolo for five dollars and sit moaning over it in the Holyoke Center while some homeless man watches me, clearly worried for my sanity. This is sad, for many reasons. On the upside, cheap, fresh, and filling sandwiches are being replaced by Harvard Square’s first overpriced smoothie place! Liquiteria offers a selection of all of the blended mushiness your Californian roommate has been gushing about since she moved in and realized they don’t do that here. But now they do. So for the price of a really monstrous barge of deliciousness from Al’s, you can get a cupful of liquidized Kale. This is a change I’m not so ready to embrace.
5. You’re gonna go broke.
As if you aren’t already. Since Harvard’s tuition clearly isn’t enough, certain crucial services around campus have decided to raise their prices for the 2015-2016 school year. So leave Starbucks, right now. There is no more room in your pretend budget for that second coffee. This year, prepare yourself for raised laundry prices — $1.50 a load instead of the previously, still exorbitant $1.25 — and raised cookie prices at Insomnia — normal cookies have gone up ten cents, and deluxe cookies have gone up 20. Madness. I reckon I’ve lost at least five dollars already (and no, I haven’t done laundry yet…)
6. Bumble?
No, not a cute pet name, or a football-sports-word-thing (I’ve been informed that’s a fumble). So what is Bumble? A new sex position? A new class at the MAC? A new final club, perhaps? No. All of these guesses are wrong. Bumble is a new dating app, specifically the new classier Tinder, where women chat first. So goodbye creepy tinder men and hello long-lasting, self-initiated relationships with the intelligent men you choose to contact. Perhaps this change is good, and you can finally surround your (virtual) self with the chit-chat of a higher quality sample of men. Or perhaps it’s sad, because without all of the raunchy, unexpected pickup lines and sexual requests, most of the fun of a dating app goes out the window. Oh well, I suppose we are getting older, and after a certain age it’s not cool to laugh at the number of times a day some matched-man asks you to sit on his face. Bummer or booster? This is a change whose benefits you’ll have to decide.