I Swear It’s True! Harvard People Go On Dates!
Has anyone else heard of these social situations that supposedly involve two people eating together in a venue that isn’t a dining hall? Legend has it that such social encounters are preplanned due to some mutual form of likeness, and not in the kind of way that’s like: “Oh, Hey! You’re cool, we should definitely check psets and maybe grab dinner,” but in the “I’d love to get to know you better (outside of an academic context)” kind of way. Skeptical? I am, because unless you’re my polar opposite and are just racking up those dating numbers (in which case, GO YOU!!) then these preplanned social experiences–I think they’re called ‘dates’–probably have an elusive presence in your life right about now. I promise they’re not just a myth!
This one time on a date, I decided that a sad crumbling excuse for a hamburger was the way to go. My logic was, “Hamburger, yeah that works, not too expensive if he tries to pay and really hard for the kitchen to mess up.” Wrong! I mean, of course the burger was great, but let’s be real–eating something that’s falling apart is not something that can be done in a effortlessly graceful nor a relatively attractive manner. I mean poor guy, napkins were strewn all over the table, more than likely half the burger was on my face and I exuded socially induced insecurities about my poor dating etiquette. My mother, I promise, raised me to do and be the EXACT opposite of that. In my head I knew that I should, “Just get a salad: it’s safe, relatively inexpensive and it’s easy to look absolutely flawless while eating it. And yeah, maybe once he drops me off I’ll go straight back out for Tasty but at least I’ll have saved face!” For some reason though my mouth took on a mind of it’s own when it came down to crunch time, ordering. Now this wasn’t the end of the world (I don’t know why, maybe he digs girls who are into beef?) but we ended up going on a second date!
Yay! Right? NO. So it’s round two and logic would you lead you to believe that I have this in the bag! I’m properly dolled up, I have a cute outfit going on, my makeup is on point, and this time I know what to order. I know how to positively present myself–there is just no way that I’m going to have a relapse of social malfunctioning. FALSE! This dude decides that we’re going to a sandwich shop this time, one that has the appearance of good, clean-cut place. It looked like the kind of place that adults went to on their lunch breaks in order to eat the type of sandwiches that don’t endanger your office attire. Naturally, I assumed he took me there in order to avoid any food related mishaps, until I had the brilliant idea of letting him order for me… Can you say relapse? Obviously our dynamic just wasn’t working out and ever since then, let’s just say I have no clue what that guy’s presently up to. Despite this severing of whatever relationship we had going on, I learned first hand that dates at Harvard can be a thing. Learn from me though: listen to your mothers because they know what’s up, especially when it comes to proper dating. And, honestly, I feel like our generation could use all the help it can get, as evidenced by my poor performances and end results!