Me: I need to write two articles but I only have one.
Me to me: Split it into two articles.
Me: I need to get out of bed to go to that club meeting
Me to me: You can sleep for 5 more minutes. You can use your roommate’s scooter.
*20 minutes later*
Me: Oh my god we have to go.
Me to me: Drop the club. Drop the club
Me: I didn’t really understand the topic today. I should rewatch the lecture video.
Me to me: Let me pull it up for you.
Me: That’s…Netflix.
Me to me: Good job, you can read. Now watch.
Me: I really need to study.
Me to me: Yes you really do.
Me: *eyes bulge in shock*
Me to me: Ahahahahaha. Got you so goodly. Let’s watch Netflix.
My friend (with a very nice dress of mine): Hey, can I borrow this dress?
Me: Yeah, of course!
Me to me: No. No. Don’t let her take it. IT’S TOO NICE!
My friend: I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to ruin your dress.
Me: Oh, it’s okay, don’t worry about it. It’s just a dress.
Me to me: Unfriend her. Then kill her. Kill her.
Talking to a crush.
Me: Impress him with your intellect and humor.
Me to me: Pull your shirt lower. Lower. Lower.
Me: Time to work out!
Me to me: Can’t. Just ate.
Me: No I d–
Me to me: *Shoves a handful of chips in mouth*
Me: Time to work out!
Me to me: Can’t–I’m injured.
Me: How so?
Me to me: I’ve strained my…phalange?
Me: Time for sit-ups!
Me to me: Lie down, this mat is so comfortable.
Me: Just got my paycheck! Let’s follow the 50-20-30 rule.
Me to me: Let’s spend it all on food and clothes!
*The last slice of pizza*
Me: Let somebody else have it, you’ve already had two slices.
Me to me: Take it. TAKE IT.
*Friend hasn’t paid back money for a month.*
Friend: Sorry, I just don’t have any cash. I’ll pay you back the moment I do.
Me: Oh that’s okay. Get it back to me whenever.
Me to me: Jump him. Jump him right now and use all his BoardPlus.