Herbal Essences is the best shampoo company ever. I decided so when I was twelve because the names on their bottles were so great. “Tousle me softly?” Come on. It’s a given. My favorite though, was always “Long-Term Relationship.” My thought process behind this was that all my relationships would be long-term. I was a good friend. I valued my relationships. Thus, if I made the decision to allow you to be a part of my life, we would be friends forever.
The first time I learned that this wasn’t the case, that some people are meant to be characters in your story only for a chapter or two rather than the whole novel, I cried for days. I couldn’t wrap my mind around the fact that someone I had spent so much time with, had given so much of myself to, would not be at my wedding. They would probably never meet my children. They would definitely not be front and center at graduation. And they certainly would not have a role in my imaginary Academy Award acceptance speech. Although I knew that not everyone would be a “best friend forever and ever,” I thought that the ones I truly let in would never work their way out. And then, I went away to school.
In college, you meet people everyday. There’s the girl at the coffee shop that you bonded over Wuthering Heights with, the boy from the dhall that awkwardly spilled salad dressing all over your blouse, and that kid from Spanish class who never could conjugate the present tense without your help. Are they all going to be there twenty years from now? You never know. But it doesn’t change the fact that they are here now. And they are important. No matter how long (or how short) they stick around for, these people leave imprints on your heart that will not fade. Nothing will ensure that people will remain in your life but valuing them now is just about the closest we can get. I realized that just because people cannot always be permanent, does not mean they will not instill permanent changes or affect you in ways that are inalterable.
After much deliberation on the subject, I decided that the quote that most encompasses my belief on the “long-term relationship” complex is one that reads, “Fate controls who walks into your life, but you control who you let stay, who you let leave, and who you refuse to let go.” By nature, I don’t let people go easily. I take people back often. And I’m proud of it. When all is said and done, all we really have left are the people that caused us to feel so much that we cried, screamed, and just about went crazy. These are the people that we refuse to let go, the ones worth holding onto.
I don’t know who I will be friends with in twenty years. I don’t know who will be there for me in the best of times and the worst of times. For right now, though, that’s okay. I’ll keep using my favorite shampoo and taking it one meaningful step at a time.