Dating at Harvard 101: "In a Relationship" Perspective: Starting the Year Right

Dating a Harvard man definitely has its ups and downs. You both are probably too smart for your own good, over-involved in various organizations, and met in an Ec 10 study group. But how do you start this year off right, especially coming back from the summer? Here are some suggestions on how to make this year with your boyfriend better than the last.

Move Past the Summer: Coming back from the summer can be a little rough for some couples. Most are not in the same city, and only a few lucky ones get to see each other frequently. Some couples take breaks over the summer, have "open" arrangements, or stay in serious relationships. Whatever your situation was, make sure to re-establish with your partner the type of relationship you want. Make sure to avoid this situation: you were in Italy over the summer and your boyfriend was in New York City, so you guys decided to take some pressure off the relationship by "taking a break" but still remaining friends. You both come back to campus and he starts talking to another girl, when you thought you two would be back to your previously serious relationship. Also, if you have not done so already, it's important to settle any issues that arose over the summer while you guys were apart. You don't want to drag summer drama into the school year, because now you actually need to focus on your academics--not be bothered by the fact that your boyfriend had lunch with his ex in July!

Pay Attention to the Time: With the new academic calendar, we have less time to study for exams this semester. That said, you need to allocate enough time to academics early in the game so you aren't pressed for time come December. You can do homework with your boo, but reflect on last year on which study spaces worked for both of you. If you can work in each other's rooms, fine, but if you both get distracted, consider a more serious study space, such as a library, where it's easier to stay focused. Also, make sure you spend enough time with your friends and blockmates. These are the ladies you’ll go to when your boyfriend is acting up and you two are fighting. You knew them before you knew him, and they are always there for you no matter what. Most importantly, make sure you leave enough time for yourself. I've found that at Harvard, personal time is usually the first to go, with people trying to balance schoolwork, extra-curriculars, social life, and in your case, a relationship. Get in tune with yourself, and put yourself, not your relationship, first in your life.

Find an Alternative to Traditional Dates: Pick a regularly occurring activity to do just as a couple that will carry out through the entire school year. Try something neither of you have done before, but make sure you're both excited about it, and you aren't just dragging your boyfriend to your house JCR to watch Top Model every week. Doing a regular activity together also takes the pressure off the need to have so many "dates," which is great because we're in a recession and you can't expect your boyfriend to take you to the movies every other week and still buy you a nice Christmas present. Try a few of these recession-friendly activities that couples can enjoy together around Harvard:

• Try a couple's ballroom dance class (some studios have free introductory nights!)
• Take weekly walks/bike rides along the Charles
• Explore some of Harvard's many museums (check out the Blaschka Glass Flowers exhibit at the Harvard Museum of Natural History!)
• Do a yoga class at the MAC (guys go there too!)
• Eat in a different dining hall every once in a while (try eating in all 12!)
• Rent a DVD from your house library (or get one from Lamont), stay in and cuddle with your boyfriend on a Friday night.

The most important thing to do in your relationship is talk: discuss what you want to do differently this year, both in terms of your relationship and as individuals. Share your short-term goals with your boyfriend so he can encourage you, and have him share his as well. Consider problems that arose last year, and as a couple, decide ways to better handle them in the event they rise again. But don't stress--you've made it far enough to be in a relationship. Just continue doing what you did before, and your love will blossom!