How many times have we each debated, or listened to our friend’s debate, whether we should text that guy first? How many hours have we wasted pondering if we’re in a relationship yet, or if it’s just a fling? How many times have we remained silent because we didn’t want to scare him off?
I know there are strong women out there who read that and said “none” – to those women I would quickly like to say you’re my role models. Seriously though, I’ve grown up in an age where it’s generally considered taboo for a woman to text a man first, to define the relationship, or to make the first move – and the women that choose to defy the norms are often times labeled forward, intimidating or sluts. My question is simple… why? Why do we as women care so much about what men think of us?
I for one have been known to fall victim to the genedered, and stupid, modern dating ploys. I’ve overanalyzed every little detail and then proceed to enlist my fellow female friends in my quest to unearth the true meaning behind text messages, or lack there of, and in return I’ve done the same for them. There have been numerous occasions where I have sat next to a guy with a string of questions playing on repeat in my head, but unable to verbalize them out of fear of what the response would be, and you know what, I respect myself a little less for it.
I am a strong, independent, successful, ambitious, woman who has worked hard to get where I am now. I kill debates, I’m outspoken in the classroom, I have published articles, hold two degrees, and in general I consider myself worthy of respect. When I watch movies I am always attracted to the Christina Yang’s of the world, the outspoken women who don’t allow men to control them, and instead have men chasing after them in the vain hope that she may one day grace them with her love. I thought I was one of those women, but I’ve realized that it is not who I have been thus far in relationships, and that sucks and needs to change.
I could blame it all on that one guy who emotionally wrecked me, who taught me to fear intimacy, or whichever cliche relationship excuse applies, but that wouldn’t be fair because in the end it was my decision to become like this, and it has been my decision to not only allow, but support my friends in doing the same. I’ve committed to changing, and I hope that all my fellow women will do the same because let me tell you, we are all amazing, and we shouldn’t have to wait by a phone feeling sick because some guy hasn’t texted us yet.
Instead of giving men all the power by waiting for that text, or slowly driving ourselves insane trying to figure out “what we are” lets empower ourselves by simply acting, let us not be passive in our relationships or our lives. Yes it may suck if the guy you’ve been seeing flees when you ask him if he’s your boyfriend, but think of it on the other hand, do you really want to waste your time seeing someone who’s not actually interested in being with you? Personally, I think if a guy looses interest or gets scared off because a woman initiated, physically or verbally, her desires then he’s not worthy of her time; after all shouldn’t we all want to involve ourselves with men that are so captivated by us that they can’t get scared off?
Finally, wouldn’t it just feel so great to not have to overanalyze everything he says, to not waste a perfectly good Friday night waiting for him to text you back, or whatever the case may be? If we all simply change our viewpoint from “I have to do XYZ to make sure he stays interested” to “if he wants me then he can prove it because I’m worth it” we would be giving ourselves so much power, power that we deserve to have anyways because we are all uniquely talented, amazing women!
If you need an example simply look to Christina Yang (and this mini tribute to her) or similar role models.