“Netflix and Chill” has become infamous. A seemingly innocuous request, “Netflix and chill?” is a euphemism for a casual hookup. Two people get together, usually in a dark dorm room at a late hour of the night, turn on Netflix, and slowly ease their way into sex.
But Netflix and Chill has come to represent more than that. It epitomizes the phenomenon of casual relationships prevalent on college campuses. In a typical such relationship, two people are often friendly and enjoy each other’s company. They have sex, but they also have pillow talk, speaking about things that they might not otherwise have had the chance to talk about—family, friends, insecurities, hopes, worries, and ambitions. But at the end of the day—or night, rather—they walk away from each other, no strings attached.
Netflix and Chill has been criticized as superficial, shallow, and unhealthy. People have accused casual dating, and the “hookup culture,” of detracting from long-term, meaningful, monogamous relationships. However, it seems to me that there is a place for Netflix and Chill, especially for college students.
Between academics and extracurriculars and social activities, there doesn’t seem to be enough time to eat and sleep, much less spend extended periods of time connecting with another person. It is possible, of course, but it requires sacrifice. And the idea of sacrificing your schoolwork, clubs, spending time with friends, even just an hour of your time for another person is unappealing to many college students, who see these four years as a time to discover themselves and grow as an individual.
Part of the reason why dating in college is such a daunting idea is because there’s no clear end in sight. A relationship in college could lead to marriage—a lifelong commitment that, understandably, many 18-22 year olds do not feel ready for. But a relationship in college could also lead to a breakup—which not only means that you’ve invested time and energy into fostering a relationship that has now splintered, leaving you emotionally drained and vulnerable, but also that you’re going to see your estranged significant other in the dining hall, in the library, in the classroom, perhaps even holding hands with someone else. Neither option seems particularly appealing—but when it comes to a relationship, it can only end in either of those two ways.
Enter Netflix and Chill. There’s no sacrifice required. A 2 am “Netflix and chill?” text and subsequent adult sleepover on Saturday night does not take away from time otherwise spent on p-sets. An Orange is the New Black marathon that you would’ve watched by yourself anyway is made so much more enjoyable by the presence of another person.
College can be a lonely place sometimes, every person rushing around from one place to another, never seeming to have time for anyone else. And many people want to fill that void, or at least not have to spend so much time alone—but they simply do not have the time for a formal relationship. Casual relationships, therefore, provide all the upsides of a relationship—physical intimacy, emotional intimacy, the ability to connect with another person—with none of the downsides that come with commitment.
At the end of the day, relationships are hard—whether they are casual or formal. But relationships teach you a lot about other people, about yourself, and about what you’re ready or not ready for. There’s nothing wrong with not being ready for a formal relationship, with all of the potential for vulnerability that comes with it.
Netflix and Chill can be very fulfilling for both parties involved, but it also opens up the possibility of one person looking for something more. Communication, therefore, is essential in all relationships—whether you’re actually dating or just having a temporary fling—because only then can you be honest about what you want. In the end, even though relationships are between two people, it should be about yourself, how you feel, and what you’re ready for.