The Best of Both Worlds: Date Like a Woman, Flirt Like a Girl

Whether it is a week, a day, or a couple of hours before my next class, if I’m given any amount of precious break time before returning to the craziness of this Veritas lifestyle, I usually devote at least an hour to perusing my favorite magazines. It was always a comfort to me to know, if I followed those magazine tips to a T, I would be a bootylicious B with a hotter Jay-Z on my arm (no offense to the ROC).

So, of course during these long holiday breaks, I’ve been surrounded by InStyle, Essence, Cosmopolitan, Seventeen, and Ebony daily, looking for the perfect tips to model my New Year’s Resolutions after. Unfortunately, after searching for guidance in the love and relationship department of every magazine, I felt like a different B. Instead of humming Beyonce’s confident anthems, Britney Spears’ unsure “Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman” felt more appropriate. Seventeen wanted me to be a carefree, fun-loving teen, while Cosmo was supposed to be the fierce sexy woman’s bible. Where is the advice for the in-between years? I need more than cute kissing advice, but I’m not bold enough to take the women’s magazines kinky sex tips seriously. And what was the best approach to sex: the cautious, timid, and very responsible outlook from Seventeen or the scandalous, devil-may-care attitude of Marie Claire?

Like any Harvard woman, I wasn’t about to settle on stupid because these magazines didn’t give me the right answers. So this year, my new approach for 2010 comes from a personal combo that can please both the Hannah Montana and the Carrie Bradshaw in me.

On the perfect way to approach guys:
When Seventeen says, “You have to figure out why your last relationship didn’t work before you can get close to someone new”
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Cosmo says “Guys don’t do subtlety very well, so you need to get the message across”
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A Harvard lady should…

Realize you have time, but you still have to make moves before it’s too late. In high school, we had time to take it slow because we knew our crushes would be in the same classes, in the same cafeteria, and in the same hallways for another four years. But once we get out of this academic rat race, we won’t have that stability. If you see a sexy man at a coffee shop one day, that could be your only chance to make sure he’s your husband in five years. Luckily, we don’t have that pressure as of yet, but then again since we can’t pinpoint a guy’s whereabouts the same way we did back in the day (unless you’re on extreme stalker status), we can’t take this for granted. Don’t let too much time pass before you spit game because another girl could scoop him up before you get a chance. But if today was a disastrous day for your inner diva, there is always tomorrow!

On how to approach sex:
If in Seventeen, “Quickie hookups might sound fun, but worrying that you might get caught or that someone is going to walk in on you couldn’t be less sexy”
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And in Cosmo’s world, “Dirty texts are amazing”
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In lovely Harveytown…

Sex is a big deal, but you will not be the town harlot if you’re sexually active. I noticed that, in teen magazines, writers emphasize the weight of sex—from the emotional and social impact to the health precautions and dangers. There is no way you can read a Seventeen issue without second-guessing your decision to have sex. But women’s magazines can leave you with the same hesitation. With the 10-page spreads of tips that sound like skills only aerobic experts could accomplish, at least I know I feel out of my league. Of course it’s important to have fun with sex while at the same time remembering the importance of your actions, but where is the middle ground? As long as you are safe, knowledgeable, and comfortable with your decision, don’t feel like you have to be either an expert or a nun.

On guys:
“He said it was over, but did he say why? The real reason might have had nothing to do with you.”
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“A guy’s self worth is often directly tied to his ability to earn big.”
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Harvard guys are really…

Ego-driven but genuine. Teen magazines will try to make guys seem sweet and good-intentioned for the most part, with a rare jerkish exceptions. Women’s magazines present a different version of the average man; they’re complicated, emotional, and not so innocent. I think guys are a mix of all of the above. Sure, they’re not all heartless creatures who only think with the head that’s not on their neck, but at the same time there are some who are. On top of that, if you’re getting in a relationship, there’s more to worry about than just looking pretty; you have to think about his pride and his feelings as well. My advice: see guys for what they really are and not what pop culture tries to paint them as.

Even though these college years could possibly be the most confusing time of our lives, despite what we thought we were going through in those awkward tween years, at the end of the day, these are the years that we were waiting to live out in high school and will look back on way into our adulthood. So take advantage of it! If you find yourself confused and feel like you are acting too immature or growing up too fast, just think you can do what you want today and act the complete opposite tomorrow. Make the most of these years and live it up!