Ah, the modes of moving on… contrary to popular belief, I have found moving on from a romantic hiccup to take a bit more than a pint of Ben and Jerry’s or a rebound. Revenge can be a fun option, yeah, but let’s just take a lesson from John Tucker Must Die, and set the chocolate frosting and hate aside. Moving on is more of a multi-step process than a quick fix. And unfortunately, it doesn’t just happen when you want it to.
I’m here for you, though. As permanent filler for the wise-best friend archetype, I have a lot of practice dishing out age-old snippets of truth to my heart-broken besties, Moving on is an art I believe I have mastered, a skill I have under my belt. Well, not personally really, but I’ve been there every step of the way for my best friends…. that’s the same. Right?
Well, whatever. Take my advice with a grain of salt, but take it still.
The art of moving on starts first with the acceptance of your dependence. You depend on the people around you. Give yourself that time to depend—on your besties, family, teammates, friendly HUDS workers, even your neighborhood barista. Let them support you in your time of need. This is the phase where you really feel your feelings, and feel them deep. You need to acknowledge the hurt before you attempt to put it behind you, easy as that. And what better way to acknowledge it than with your whole crew supporting you? And with snacks. Always bring snacks.
The next step toward moving on involves a true attempt to separate yourself from the other person. I know, I know, you two decided to stay friends, or you have three classes together, live in the same house, etc. But try your best here. Separate yourself as much as physically possible. This isn’t rude, I promise. You’re giving yourself what you need: some fresh air. If you and said past-significant or insignificant other are still breathing the same air then you need to step back, take a lap, and freaking pick a seat on the other side of lecture from the dude/dudette. Get. Some. Space.
This is not running away or hiding from reality. This is finding your own rhythm or habit or day-to-day routine without that other person.
Next, limit the amount of times you say their name in one day. It’s a simple thing, but it’ll actually change a lot! You may still be thinking of your saga together, but you aren’t allowed to talk about it. Not out loud. Eventually you’ll get out of your own head and you’ll actually start participating in conversations that aren’t about your once-was/could’ve-been romance… and then!?! Next thing you know it, you won’t even be thinking about them any more.
This is not to say you should bottle up your feelings (please refer to Step 1). Talk about it when you really need to. The point of this step is to not dwell. You speak your heart out, you get it out there, and then you move on and direct your focus elsewhere in your life. He/she and his/her name are not the center of your day.
Lastly, drop the comparison game. If/when you get to moving onward to newer and better future romantic interests, Don’t. You. Dare. Compare. That’s just not healthy, dude. How are you supposed to be engaging with this person if you keep connecting certain parts of them–from their laugh to their class schedule– back to your old babe. Nah man. Drop that habit right quick and give this new person a real chance. Give yourself a chance.
If you’ve completed all of these then, dare I say, you have successfully moved on! Go Team!
Now, #OntoTheNextOne…