I can’t count the number of times I’ve made this joke with my friends: “If I’m not married by the time I’m 50, I guess I’m just destined to be a crazy cat lady!” Although it’s easy enough to laugh about, there’s something undeniably creepy about the idea. Why are our only options: a) get married, or b) live out a pathetic existence alone with only cats for company.
Singleness for women is equated to being lonely and unfulfilled — as well as being consumed by desperate efforts to stop being single. It’s the product of years of social pressure implying that everybody needs a partner to be whole. To not be in a heterosexual, monogamous relationship is a failure of basic womanhood.
From stereotypes of the predatory single girl, the crazy cat lady, the cold-hearted business woman—being single is culturally defined as something shameful and depressing. The crazy cat lady cliché is driven by a deep, internalized fear that the ticking biological clock is coming to get us, and that all of our peers are jumping into relationships while we’re left clinging to the dreaded role of the “third wheel.”
Aside from the misogyny that lurks behind the crazy cat lady phenomenon, the idea that being single is something to be avoided can damage the way we view ourselves. Here are some reasons to reconsider your next Tinder matchup:
1. You’re allowed to be selfish
Being single means that your emotions and needs come first. You don’t have to feel responsible for the emotional well-being of a significant other, and you’re free to focus on developing your own identity.
2. You’ll have more time
This one is pretty simple. Think of all of the time you might spend with a partner — spending time with them, going out on dates, cuddling, making out — and add that back to your schedule. Voila.
3. You can focus on what matters in your life
While plenty of people handle relationships on top of school, work and extracurriculars, you can still invest that extra energy into other important aspects of your life. Taking a step back from romantic attachments might just give you the boost that you need to focus on your own personal development.
4. You can cultivate other relationships
Platonic relationships are just as important and fulfilling as romantic ones. Dedicating the extra time to nurture your relationships with close family, friends and/or pets can keep you socially connected. The opportunity for companionship, genuine love and long-term emotional support is all around you — no partner required.
5. You’ll learn how to love yourself
Learning how to be alone without feeling lonely is one of the most valuable ways to avoid letting the crazy cat lady stereotype affect you. Learn to love your personality, your quirks and your greatest insecurities — fall in love with yourself before you commit to loving somebody else.