Ok, time for a little personal pep talk; I guess you guys can listen in. Just take a deep breath and count to ten—hyperventilating is not an option. They’re just people. They don’t define who you are. What they say can’t hurt you.
Curious about my oh so sudden freak out? Well, wonder no longer. I’m back to a solid level of mental stability and can willingly answer all of your questions. You see, I’m the die-hard Real Housewives fan (shout out to all my fellow Bravo lovers). So, when I relocated to D.C. for college, I thought I was destroying any chance of any IRL (in real life) Real Housewives spotting. Back in Pennsylvania, Caroline, Teresa, Bethenny, Carole and all their buddies were just a state away. I could taste an impending run-in with them. But, once in D.C., I thought all hope of a star struck reality had faded. And then, whoop there it was, Andy Cohen came to the rescue and threw me Real Housewives of Potomac; a.k.a five new housewives only 14 miles away. Ask me how happy I was? I’ll tell you: very, very happy. So it should come as no surprise that I snuggled into my bed and turned on the small screen for the series premier of RHOP. I can’t believe you would have voluntarily missed it, so, for those of you who faced extreme circumstances that prevented you from catching episodevone, here’s a brief recap.
The Whole Cast
From left to right, we have Charrisse Jackson-Jordan, Robyn Dixon, Karen Huger, Gizelle Bryant, Katie Rost, and Ashley Darby.
The Breakdown
Charrisse Jackson-Jordan
Tag-line: “If I don’t know who you are, then you’re not worth knowing.”
Quote of the Episode: “Potomac doesn’t define me, I define Potomac.”
The Drama: Her husband, NBA coach Eddie Jordan, is totally MIA. With two kids and house to herself, the other ladies are skeptical.
Robyn Dixon
Tag-line: “I don’t have a cookie cutter life, and I’m not apologizing for it.”
Quote of the Episode: “People in Potomac got sticks up their ass.”
The Drama: Um, hello. Earth to Robyn. Let me know why you’re living with ex-husband. Oh, and why you still sleep in the same bed. I mean, not my place to pass judgment but you guys kind of sort of still seem like a married couple.
Karen Huger
Tag-line: “In Potomac, it’s not about who you know, it’s who you are. And I am everything.”
Quote(s) of the Episode: “My husband is the black Bill Gates.” “I have never met a very happy poor man.” “I’m a farmer’s daughter. Do I wanna live on the farm again…no.” “I’m responsible for bringing along the next generation of black people.” “You know that doesn’t fly in Potomac, right?” “Potomac etiquette rule 101: When Karen Huger (yes, she is speaking in the third person) arrives to an event where she is being honored, please don’t sit in my seat.”
The Drama: Well, after just 45 minutes, it is painfully obvious that nearly all the drama this season will link back to Mrs. Karen. She is the self-proclaimed queen of Potomac and won’t let anyone forget it. She lives by, and I mean lives by this mysterious book of etiquette that she has ingrained into her brain. Her motto is: anything you can do, I can do better. Everyone pretty much bows down to Queen K, except for Gizelle. These two have obvious tension that escalating when Gizelle sat in the middle at Karen’s birthday party (god forbid). So, logically, Karen gave Gizelle a framed list of birthday party etiquette (normal, right?). Can’t wait to see where this one takes us.
Gizelle Byant
Tag-line: “The word on the street, is that I’m the word on the street.”
Quote(s) of the Episode: “I live my life by the rules called Gizelle, and I do it damn well.” “Cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater; he loved to hide his salami (in regards to her cheating ex husband).” “I have a legacy and a pedigree. Girl, you grew up on a farm. (in regards to Karen).” “When someone leaves you alone in their house, you go through their drawers (in regards to being left alone in Robyn’s house).”
The Drama: She was married to a pastor…who cheated on her. Now, she is headed back out into the dating world. She comes from a family of philanthropic socialites. This housewife is probably the sassiest of them all and thrives off of drama. Already, she has had issues with both Robyn and Karen. Her fight to the top with Karen will be vicious…I have no doubt.
Katie Rost
Tag-line: “I’m a ball and gala girl. It’s my legacy and my calling.”
Quote(s) of the Episode: “To be a socialite is a full time job, it’s actually like a lot of work.” “Ball and gala season—it’s like prom on crack.” “I can’t imagine he doesn’t want to marry me, I’m like, such a catch.” “What I love most about Andrew is that he is so good with money.”
The Drama: Katie is divorced (shocker) and has three kids. She is currently dating a Jewish investment banker named Andrew, although has dated Russell Simmons in the past. This girl loves her kids, but money even more.
Ashley Darby
Tag-line: “Throw this spring chicken into the cougar’s den and let the games begin.”
*Ashley did not appear in the first episode
Well, I can confidently say I think this series will be interesting (to say the least) and there will be a lot of…