Many people say that love knows no boundaries, but love knows no state lines in my case. Currently, I am one hundred and forty-five miles, three states and a two hour train ride away from my boyfriend of two years. I know that compared to most, this distance is manageable; however, when you’ve spent basically every single day with your significant other for two or more years like I have, it’s quite difficult. Also, it doesn’t help that I’m a crazy psychotic girlfriend who texts her boyfriend every second to make sure he hasn’t forgotten about me yet. Obviously, it’s quite hard to forget me, though.
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When I first told my mom that my boyfriend and I were staying together, she questioned why I didn’t want to be free in college. Honestly, the reason is because I just don’t think boys like my boyfriend really exist that much anymore. In my opinion, most college guys are just looking for an easy hook-up or something short term. No boy in these millennial years seem to truly want something long-term. Also, I’ve always been the type of person who wants a relationship, never something that’s “undetermined.” I’m already confused about my life enough, and I don’t need another person to confuse it more for me. Moreover, I find that if you’re in love, you want to make it last. If you didn’t, you would’ve just ended the relationship before school started, and the same goes for the boy. If he didn’t want me, he could’ve dumped me, or asked for an open relationship. There’s just too many relationships that aren’t true nowadays, so I feel like you have to hold onto to the special ones, no matter how far the distance. In that way, college can really make these types of fairy tale high school relationships seem like anything but the sort; however, once you learn the Do’s and Dont’s of long distance relationships, it makes it a lot easier and you can learn to make it last.
Do FaceTime/Phone Calls Daily
When I see my boyfriend’s face on my screen, I get a rush of excitement. Whether I’m walking to class or in my room, it makes me feel like he’s there walking or sitting with me. The visual reality and incredibly technology that FaceTime has beats just stalking pictures of him and me in my photo album when I miss his face. I know sometimes college WiFi sucks, so it can be annoying when you need to keep refreshing the screen, but even though it can be a blurry glimpse, at least I get to see him at all. Also, talking to your significant other everyday helps strengthen your relationship because you’re telling him/her everything you would if he/she was here. It helps especially if you’ve had a bad day because you can just call and cry to them, and they’ll help you get through it with kisses through the phone.
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Don’t Make Him/Her Feel Bad for Having Fun
College is a time to go out, meet new people, have fun experiences and get out of your comfort zone! So, if your partner wants to go out on Thirsty Thursday or go to a club, then let them! Don’t hold them back because you’re holding yourself back! And, if you’re holding yourself back, don’t do that either. College is a time for having fun, so just because you’re boyfriend or girlfriend is having fun and you’re not, it doesn’t mean that you should rain on their parade.
Do Update Each Other
On the flip side of that last argument, you both should let each other know what the plans are for the night so that neither of you are caught off gaurd when you see Snapchats or an Instagram post that you weren’t expecting. Keeping each other updated will help prevent fights because you’ve told them in advance if your plans were to go out to another guy’s fraternity house or to go to a girl’s dorm room hangout. It saves both of you from acting shady, saves a lot of passive aggressiveness when needing to write messages explaining yourself, and saves you from the “k’s” you may get in response.
Don’t Stay In to Talk to Him
Your’re a freshman; you’re meeting people and you’re trying to make friends. You shouldn’t be worried about whether or not your significant other is going to get mad if you don’t call him or her. Also, if they’re a freshman, they’re trying to do the same exact thing as well. If you have plans on a Friday or Saturday night, don’t stay in to talk to him. You have all morning or afternoon to make phone calls — don’t let that stop you from potential new friendships. Also, chances are he wants to go out as much as you, so don’t spoil each other’s fun. Get your party on with your friends, girlfriend!
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Do Schedule Visits Ahead of Time
Since we are a little ways away, my boyfriend and I have scheduled times when we’ll see each other next. Since we have the luxury of being only a train or bus ride away, we’ve tried to make travel plans to visit each other once a month, and luckily our schedules match up. Scheduling these visits gives you both something to look forward to and helps you feel better about going out without him/her because you know you’ll be spending time with him/her in a few short weeks.
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Don’t Be Crazy (Obsessive)
I’m probably the worst offender of this because I get overly paranoid about nothing at all. If he FaceTimes me and I hear or see girls in the background I automatically hang up and text him passive aggressive texts about what he’s doing. Then, he proceeds to call me thirty times until I actually pick up the phone to hear his side of the story. Once he tells me the truth and sends screenshots of text messages, photo proof, or video evidence, I realize that I’m just a psychotic bitch. So, the moral to this story is to never assume, because it only makes an ass out of you and me. Just listen to what he/she has to say (and maybe ask for proof to back it up).
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Do Make Friends of the Opposite Sex
Having friends of the opposite sex is good! I know your boyfriend or girlfriend may not necessarily think so (at first I did not want that for my boyfriend), but it is truly something that helps make you a well rounded person. Being friends with memebers of the opposite sex helps you understand your boyfriend or girlfriend even more because you get to hear what boys and girls both want in a relationship. They can even help you send messages back to your significant other if you don’t understand their football text terminology. It helps to be friends with people of the opposite sex because it can build a sense of trust in the relationship, while giving your boyfriend a guy to hang out with when he comes to visit (so it’s not just him and girls all the time!).
Don’t Try to Make Him/Her Jealous
On the flip side of that, don’t make your boyfriend or girlfriend jealous using these friends of the opposite sex. Don’t talk about the new guy friend you’ve just made to the point where your boyfriend starts to wonder whether there’s something more going on. Also, JEALOUSY IS THE UGLIEST TRAIT. Do not let him make you jealous if he’s friends with a girl who you think is prettier than you. By not trusting him, you’re just creating trust issues between you and him. If he doesn’t feel like you trust him, it’s only going to result in an argument and lots of fights (refer again to “Don’t Be Crazy” if you have extra trouble in this field — I’ve had to re-learn this many times).
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So far, my boyfriend and I have lasted for about a month into college. Our fights, though rare, have been over small things, and we’ve resolved them by FaceTiming (rather than texting it out). However, what’s really helped us last are these Dos and Don’ts that I’ve shared with you all. So, if you follow my advice, hopefully your relationship will last as long as you’d like it to!
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