Let’s travel back in time to the year 1980. Leg warmers rule the world, and blackberries are still thought of as a fruit, not a freakishly addicting electronic device. There is no such thing as Facebook chatting, instant messaging, or texting. Pursuing a “significant other” requires more than the push of a button, but – brace yourselves – actual face-to-face contact. Once a connection is established, the boy calls his crush and she answers from her bright red rotary dial telephone. If the girl agrees to a dinner date, the boy will show up at her home on Saturday night, ring the doorbell at seven o’clock, and present her with a rose.
Now let’s fast-forward thirty years.
Today, that method is more expired than a carton of milk that’s been left on the kitchen counter of an abandoned frat house. Asking a girl on a date has been replaced with “poking” her on Facebook. Even midnight “booty-calls” have been transformed to “booty-bbms.” Although technology is enabling certain areas of society to advance, it seems to be hindering people’s love lives.
College students are losing interpersonal social skills, and, like the curdled milk, this depletion of romance is emitting a scent that can be detected by even the stuffiest of nostrils.
“Nothing is private anymore. Nothing is left up to chance. You can always contact a person, so if they’re not texting you, you know there’s a reason why. We’ve lost that spark and element of surprise,” said Lauren Pearlstein, a GWU senior from Needham, Mass. “It’s so sad, I hate technology.”
Dr. Andrew Jared Critchfield, a former professor of Communications here at The George Washington University, agrees that technology is dramatically changing dating. “Students are constantly much more in touch with their boyfriend or girlfriend, and in that respect, I think romance has become very boring,” said Critchfield. “It seems more routine to know what is happening with people – it is not a good thing, it makes everything too predictable.”
Aside from diminishing the spontaneity of romance, technology is “making everyone a stalker,” said Courtney Hartman, a GWU senior, from Dix Hills, N.Y. “It has allowed for information that never would have surfaced to become extremely visible. You can tell who someone is and what they’ve done just by looking through their tagged pictures. It’s crazy,” said Hartman.
Speaking of crazy, senior, Ilana Schack, from New York City, says that her dependence on her blackberry often drives her insane.
“Blackberry messaging has turned romance into a mind game. You are expected to be reachable 24/7, and therefore expected to answer someone’s message right away. If you don’t get an immediate response, you assume that the person is ignoring you and anxiously stare at your phone in anticipation,” said Schack. “Everything is so fast paced, that people are literally unable to separate themselves from their blackberries.”
After conducting 10 in depth interviews, and surveying over 20 GW students, only one was daring enough to oppose the general consensus. Daniel Henick, senior, from Armonk, N.Y., said that, “technology has definitely helped the dating scene more than hurt. It has enabled us to stay in touch, and I believe that people talking constantly is better for relationships than not talking at all. I see it as society improving, not getting worse.” Although Henick disagrees that technology is having a negative impact on college romance, he agrees that college students are losing their interpersonal skills.
“With texting, you can sit there for 10 minutes pondering the perfect response, to the point where it’s not even you anymore, it’s all of your girlfriends delegating what you should say,” admits Pearlstein.
“I can be witty through a text but I’d never be able to come up with the same response in person.”
The same goes for boys. “There are guys who act like hot stuff over BBM. They say the craziest things, but then are so shy in person. It’s like, ‘who are you? Are you the same person I was just talking to?’” said Schack.
Critchfield says, “People today definitely hide behind technology. Instead of being confident and going out to meet people in person, you can just sign up for JDate. You can embellish your physical attractiveness – but be careful – you’ll have a lot of explaining to do.”
Jared Cobert, former GWU student, from Philadelphia, Pa., agrees that, “we have become more available to mask our deficiency.”
However, Cobert disagrees that college students are losing their interpersonal skills. Instead he feels, “there are less opportunities to use our interpersonal skills, but it doesn’t mean we’ve lost them.”
In the words of Chad Ozbeki [CQ], senior, from Solebury Pennsylvania, “our interpersonal skills have become modified, adapted, and evolved.”
The majority of the male students interviewed didn’t seem to mind that text messaging has become the primary method to get in touch with a girl.
“I’m very grateful that I’m living today as opposed to the ‘ringing the doorbell’ phase,” said Henick.
According to junior, Jacob Zachs, from West Hartford, Connecticut, “90% of flirting today is done through texting and instant messaging. It’s a lot less intrusive, which makes it easier, but at the same time it’s a lot more superficial.” Zachs went on to admit, “I am not a very good text-flirter and it’s a shame because I am a complete romantic at heart,” he said. “I would have flourished more 20-plus years ago, before texting ever existed. I thrive with that face-to-face time.”
Today, it seems that couples are getting less of that precious “face-to-face” time and replacing it with constant communication. Although it has been said that strong communication is the key to a successful and healthy relationship, does constant communication equal strong communication? Is the constant desire to communicate harming relationships more than it’s helping? “It’s hard to have that spark if you’re always talking,” said Zachs. “When you talk too much, conversations start to get pointless and stupid things tend to slip out. Constant texting is just word vomit.”
“Couples that don’t limit their communication to a certain amount a day won’t have anything to talk about at night when they’re together. There becomes no point in even asking, ‘how was your day?’ because you already know the answer,” said senior, Olivia Fass, from New York City. According to Critchfield, “the need to be in constant communication has made everything much too predictable. Think of it this way, if you know that flowers will come every single Friday, they will lose their excitement and appeal.”
Several students also noted that perpetual communication with a significant other leads to suspicion and trust issues, especially if a text message goes unanswered for 20 minutes too long. On the contrary, there is something reassuring in knowing that that special someone is thinking of you and wants to check-in in the middle of the day. It reminds us that romance, although no longer packaged with a Tiffany bow, is still somewhat alive.
“Romance will never completely die because there is an inherent drive for emotion such as love, that is quantified through a romantic relationship,” said senior, Jared Cobert. Like Cobert, the majority of students interviewed remain optimistic that our generation is not completely doomed for finding romantic love. “At some point, all of this nonsense is going to stop and we will start going on real dates and having real relationships. Once people graduate and get jobs they can’t be texting all day long,” said Fass.
For now, my advice to the GW students who are unsatisfied in their romantic relationships is to spend less time staring at their cell phones and more time gazing into one another’s’ eyes.
After all, in the words of Ilana Schack, “it’s not gonna be a blackberry lying next to you making babies with ya!”