In today’s society, or at least in my own experience with it, when you start dating someone new the one question that is always asked is: “So, how many people have you had sex with?” and from that moment forward you are defined by a number.
First of all, if you are asked that question, you are never obligated to answer. Your past shouldn’t be defined by a number, you can be open and honest about your past without explicitly having to state how many people you have had sex with.
The stigma that has been put around the amount of people you are sexually active with has become an all-consuming thought in this generation. If your partner has been s/a with more than what one would consider ‘average’, they are automatically judged. Judged for what? .. Wanting to explore their own sexuality while they are young and capable?
Why is it something we are judged for? Why does it feel like our ‘number’ is the all-determining factor of whether you are a slut?
Here’s the thing, screw what society says. A number is just that, a number. As long as you can be safe and stay clean in the process there is nothing wrong with what anybody is doing. Our society needs to stop judging people for something that should be none of their business. There shouldn’t be such thing as an ‘ideal’ number, especially when that ‘ideal’ is different for men and women. Having sex doesn’t make women any less ‘pure’ than before.
The amount of people you have had sex with doesn’t define you as a person. It does not label you as anything different than what you choose to be. The amount of people you choose to have sex with does not make you ‘gross’, ‘inexperienced’, ‘slutty’ or ‘prude’. If you choose to save yourself for someone special, that should not be judged just the same as someone who chooses to have sex with whoever they want. Your past is your past for a reason; it doesn’t need to be a judgment for your future s/o to have on you.
Instead of asking someone how many people they have had sex with, how about we lead with this:
Don’t ask, don’t care