Though the rate for pregnancies in women ages 18-24 has gone down significantly since the 90’s, still over 2 million college aged women get pregnant in a single year according to the University of Oregon. Imagine trying to figure out life and how to obtain a degree, all while thrown a pregnancy curve ball. There are quite a few routes to take and perhaps one the most challenging but rewarding is choosing to keep the baby. Nonetheless, there are some moms that successfully balance motherhood and college without even skipping a beat!
At just 24 years old, Brianna Sarai (Suh-rye) Martin, is a vibrant Film major and Spanish minor, who will be graduating from Georgia State Fall 2017. She is the mother of a beautiful 2-year-old princess, Sarai Cali-Rae. I caught up with Martin to discuss what it is like living “the double life”.
phot credit: google images
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How are you today?
I am great! I am shopping a bit and taking Sarai to Toys-R-Us to get her first bike. She’s excited about that.
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Can you tell me a little bit about how it felt finding out you were pregnant? (Specify what year you were in, fears, potential excitement, etc.)
When I found out that I was pregnant…I didn’t even have to take a test honestly. I started feeling a little faint. It was around July and I was like, “this is hot. It is hot.” I remember one time we were at the Naan Stop Indian restaurant on Georgia State’s campus and I was in line and I really kind of blacked out for two seconds. I had to sit down and get some water. I [knew] something was wrong. So, I put in two words on Google: feeling faint. Then, it filled out the rest: signs of pregnancy. I shut it down really quick and was like, “there is no way.” I remained in denial, but I knew at the same time until I really was in excruciating pain. It felt like my stomach was being twisted. I was like, “Let me just go to the doctor.” I went, they took a test, and came in and told me that I was pregnant. I was silent. I just remember going back to the car and taking a moment like, “this is not real.” I continued on. I did not tell my mom… I did not know how I was going to tell my mom. I continued on with my day, sinking through the pain, thinking maybe, “well maybe if I don’t think about it, it’s not real.” I remained in denial that it was not real, because I was not seeing true signs. My stomach was not getting bigger just yet.”
2b. Did your mom ever find out?
It was really funny how things worked out [with] how my mom found out. She opened up a doctor’s note thinking it was a bill and saw my test results for my pregnancy. She did one of those “pull-me-in-the-garage-turn-off-the-car” type talks and looks at me and asks me if I was pregnant. I told I was pregnant and it was a really hard moment. She had to digest it, because my mom was literally in the same boat. She had me at the same age. I know that it really hurt her, but I knew that she could be the biggest support and help me through [it]. I really didn’t have belief in myself at first. She told me that as time went on I would become more and more excited and I did! I became more open to becoming a mom.
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What were your fears?
Fears… fears! My biggest fear was questioning my strength. Could I do it. And… I just had to think about my mom and my granny and they had the strength to have me. I knew that if I look at my mom [knowing] she was my age and all that she’s done for me, I knew the power was in me to do it as well. I can do this and I did it!
photo credit: Brianna Sarai
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Did you have help from the father or have you been “superwoman-ing” motherhood by yourself?
At first he was down, but once I told him my fear, then that’s when he started to push me away, wasn’t speaking to me, and all that. It took a lot to get through to him. He was there for her birth. But my parents have been the biggest help and support with raising Sarai with me. I am so thankful for them, because I could not do this without them. [I am] trying to finish school… and they have supported me all the way through no matter what. They are constantly taking care of Sarai when I have to go on a shoot or to an event. I am so, so thankful for them!
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How was it after Sarai Cali-Rae came?
She has brought a light in our lives! She is the smartest kid! I promise you, like no bias, she talks to everyone. I [have to stop her from talking to everyone in public and strangers, saying, “Hey!” [She asks people] how they are doing. She is such a light and joy! She speaks Spanish and English already. She knows things that I haven’t even taught her and I don’t even know where she gets them from. It just amazes me! She motivates me everyday, everyday. [She’ll say], “Hello! Good morning Mommy! I love you too much!”
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How did your mindset change?
A lot of things have changed as far as my mindset. I’m still a procrastinator, but I’m a mindful procrastinator. Now I’m getting better at it. I’m doing less of that and being more proactive. I have a lot more to really live for and be motivated for now that Sarai is here. Before I was down with living off of my dreams of being a filmmaker and living off of that, but now it’s like you have no choice girl! You have to do it and Sarai’s going to be watching you do it. That pressure is good pressure. I’m still in shock everyday. She’s so amazing!
photo credit: Brainna Sarai
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Did you have any setbacks?
A lot of things have changed. I can’t be as free as I once was. You know, being able to travel or go study abroad, I can’t do that. But, all the things that have been taken away, I have gotten back so much that I can’t even really feel anything about. It’s nothing to really even think about the past. Everything that went wrong or went well leading up to Sarai, I’m thankful for, because if I didn’t have that she wouldn’t be here. I just had to change a little bit of my goals up, but not really much has been set back. Now, she just has to be on set with me. I have to bring Sarai with me. You know, she’s going to be carrying the camera bag [Martin chuckles]. I have little helper, an assistant, someone to teach.
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What was some unforgettable moments/memories that came from it?
The experience of giving birth was amazing. I really enjoyed being at the hospital, the pampering and attention that came with it. It was really cool. I remember when I was having contractions, I wasn’t under an epidural or anything. I had to wait, because I wasn’t dilated. Basically [the hospital bed] felt like a throne. It was propped up like a chair. Any time someone would speak to me, like [if] my family tried to ask me something, I would raise my hand like hush. [Martin chuckles]. They put my favorite movie, Mean Girls, on. I was not trying to quote anything. I was in my zone! Every time a contraction came, it was like a rollercoaster of pain. Every time I got through one, I was like “Okay! I can do another one and another one.” That happened until I got the epidural and then after that, it was lit! I was dancing after that, in the hospital bed. I had on Pharrell’s album GIRL. I was getting it! I didn’t feel any pain. [Then] the doctor comes in and says, “You’re actually ready to go!” I just remember crying when she came, just out of happiness. It was a breath of fresh air, for real.
[Sarai] has been on 15 airplane trips, to places like California and Texas, to see family members. I always have a little sidekick.
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Is there any advice that you’d give to the college girl in your predicament?
I want to let people know that if they ever get that positive test and it’s like they don’t believe in themselves. Really look at yourself and think that you’re here. Your parents brought you here and just be thankful. To not have Sarai grace this planet… I can’t imagine. I am so thankful I was able to push through and find my strength. Look to the ones that feel like home to you. My mom, she was the core to all of this. If you’re in college, take all the time you need. I took a year off, but when I came back I had the best grades of my entire school career. The fuel [Sarai] gave me was unreal. If you can’t go back to school, that’s okay. Do whatever you have to do. Do not be afraid to ask for help and really believe in yourself, because you have the strength! Just get it girl! You really got this. This is me talking to myself and others.
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What about judgement from outsiders?
There is a lot of judgement on being young and having a kid. But, if you think about it, it’s like, “Yeah, I’m still a kid kind of and I’m growing into my adulthood, but now I get to live as a kid as well with my child. I still get to play.” There’s people out there having kids at 50, but when I’m 50 I will be traveling, chilling next to a volcano. By that time I’ll be doing what I want to do, where I want to do, but right now is about growing. I am growing and building and Sarai is with me! I get to see it through a kid’s eyes and I hope I always have the kid in me. This really helps you push further into your purpose really.
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Any final thoughts?
Thank you so much! I needed this reflection, taking time to appreciate [myself] and [my] small and big accomplishments.
To keep up with all things Sarai, Martin has created her an Instagram account, @saraicalirae. She has had the Instagram account since birth and has no followers. Martin says, “She’ll decide who she wants to follow.”