I was single for 5 years until a little while ago, and in that time I met some pretty amazing guys. How I did that though, has caused discussion amongst my friends: I hit on guys. Maybe you’ve done it once or twice, or you look at women who do, thinking,” I wish I could do that, but it’s not happening.” I understand confidence comes in many sizes; sometimes I don’t feel on top of my game, but guys these days are lacking a certain gung-ho they used to have. When I’m out, often the only guy who has any initiative is the creepy, sketchers-wearing dude that’s watching you eye down the beautiful, foreign man at the opposite side of the bar. This may not be everyone’s experience, but it’s the trend I notice. So how do I get the foreign man? I walk right up to him and slap down a line that will make him respond.
For example: I was down home in Virginia Beach at this really sub-par club (it’s not any kind of place you go to find a husband…or a one-night stand…or anyone of the opposite sex), when I saw him. It honestly kind of scared me he was there, because if he genuinely liked the place, he was into some weird stuff. He looked at me, holding eye contact for a couple of seconds, but then looked away (wait, no, stop, look back…look at me!). We’ll call him Superman, because that’s exactly who he looked like. Superman continued to glance my way for the next hour, and I admit, I kind of stuck around the general vicinity of him just in case he wanted to talk to me (I know you’re familiar with this move).
After an hour, I was fed up. He kept looking at me, and I kept looking at him…what the hell? So, I marched over and said, “Hey, so I saw you over there and think you’re really handsome. Are you having a good time?” We completely hit it off and talked for the rest of the night until the ugly lights flickered on. He asked me for my number outside, and I swear to you, ladies, said, “I’m really glad you came up to me tonight. I’m really shy, but I wanted to talk to you.” WIN! It was that simple, and while things didn’t work out, we are still friends to this day.
Now, it’s not completely successful all of the time. I’ve been rejected, sure, but it’s better than missing a chance with a potenitally great, but shy, guy. I even met my boyfriend by hitting on him first. I was terrified he was going to reject me because I hadn’t notice a sign he was interested. It just goes to show putting yourself out there can make a difference. Here are some tips to mastering my technique:
Look for signs he’s interested. It’s the same thing courteous guys look for as well. Is he glancing your way? Smiling? Does he somehow end up near your group of friends a lot? Times are a-changing; maybe he’s with his friends and doesn’t want to get shot down in front of them. His guys will find it pretty impressive when you tap him on the shoulder and get his attention. If you can see the signs he might be interested, it’s worth taking a shot on.
Be confident. I know in most ways it’s easier said than done. But we are in an era where women everywhere are encouraging each other to love our bodies and own who we are. A guy takes just as much risk approaching you, why can’t it work the other way around? Remember, it’s just a guy. If he says he’s not interested, oh well girl, I know for a fact there’s another cutie somewhere around there!
Find a light way to start a conversation. It’s always about the first impression. Starting a conversation, instead of just dropping a one-liner, can make all the difference: “Hey, I saw you across the room. You look fun to talk to; what are you drinking?” If you can clearly tell what the drink is, try, “Ah, how do you drink whiskey? It’s a man’s drink to me haha, I can’t stomach it.” He’ll love that you just called him manly and flirted at the same time. If it’s a Thursday or Friday and not too late after work, say, “You look like you just got off work. Do you work in the city?”
I can only hope this has been helpful. Now fly beautiful butterflies, fly!