There’s a point in every girl’s life where they decide they want to go through what we call “the hoe phase.” It’s likely to occur after a rough breakup or when we’re just fed up with finding love. We tell ourselves, “We have our whole lives ahead of us to find a man, but why not just mess around with a couple of guys for a bit? Men do it all the time.”
So then we start looking for hookups. Just a casual friend with benefits to satisfy our needs when we are feeling lonely. And it’s all so chill at first, until we start catching feelings.
You may begin to realize that you and your hookup partner are spending more time with one another than expected. You go out on occasional dates, you Netflix and chill on the regular and you even find yourself lost without them when they are away. But you both made it clear you didn’t want a relationship, right?
Looks like you have now entered an unexpected situationship.
You both are confused about exactly what you want from this. You don’t know if it’s right to commit to one another or just keep boning on a regular basis. You both tried so hard not to get attached but failed and now you don’t know what do.
If you are on the left side of things and you just want it to end all together, here are some tips I can give you from personal experience.
1. Be honest
When people say, “honesty is the best policy,” they really mean it. In situationships, it’s often hard to be completely 100% honest with your friend with benefits because you don’t want to hurt their feelings or ruin the relationship. If you are not honest from the jump, there is no way in hell that you two will ever become an official couple because honesty is the backbone to every healthy relationship.via Giphy
2. Be open
Being open is also key. If you know that you only want to be involved with this person just for sex or companionship, TELL THEM THAT. A situationship is built on the openness of the two people involved being that you aren’t a committed couple. If you want to see other people while also keeping this relationship alive, you have every right to. You just have to be open with the other person involved.via Giphy
3. Be blunt
This is the toughest one. Feelings often get mixed up in situationships, which is why you have to know EXACTLY what you want from it. The truth really does hurt, but if you see you or your partner getting too deeply involved, you have to hold your ground no matter how hard it may be. Tell them that this is not what you want and walk away. Take some time from that person to let them know that you were really serious about ending it. In the end, they will thank you because at least you were brave enough to walk away when you knew it was time.
4. Be optimistic
I know that ending an awkward situation is not the most pleasurable thing to do, but at least you learned a lesson from it. You know what mistakes not to make the next time, and you also know how to deal with situationships later on. Maybe you have come to the consensus that friends with benefits is not for you and you need more. Or that you and the person involved are better off as friends who have seen each other naked on various occasions. It sounds like the start of a great friendship to me.
I promise you’ll figure it out, collegiettes!