British Men:
Overbearing, rude, uninteresting… oh I am so sorry, those are adjectives describing American men. Oh where to start. I love them and you should too. They are sweet, courteous, and most importantly– they remember how you take your tea. (Start drinking tea if you want people to understand how British you really are.) They do not harass you in nightclubs and if they do.. they are probably not actually British. They are real men and they all enjoy a good, manly British sport of some kind. They also are smart and well travelled. Most importantly, they are polite. Keep all of this a secret please. The British Isles are small and I don’t want you Americans stealing all the good ones.
A Lesson in Geography: Britain vs. England.
Understand the difference between Britain and England. For goodness sake.
Britain = England, Northern Ireland, Scotland & Wales.
England = Part of Britain.
Trousers, Jumpers and Anoraks
In case you are confused by two out of the three words above–you fail if you cannot figure out what a jumper is. The last word might just be my favourite word in the English language. An anorak is worn in the rain, to keep your clothes and your person dry. Pure genius. A classic staple of British fashion is the boot (and no, it is most certainly not because it is always raining.) Riding, army, leather, it does not matter, just make sure you have a good pair that no one else has. I am forever grateful that English girls do not obsess over the furry boots like Americans have and it needs to stop. Think originality, think Kate Moss. Big bags and sweaters and unique pieces that will last you a lifetime, a Burberry classic trench
will always be in style. Spending summers in London as an adult when I have been actually aware of fashion, made me rethink my entire wardrobe. This was necessary as I still had Abercrombie & Fitch jeans in there, and I definitely needed to re-evaluate. Like any great city, you notice the unique pieces that shine through and demonstrate everyone’s individual style. Britain demonstrates the natural creativity of fashion, from the grunge-chic that seeps through the thrift shop’s doors in Camden Town, to the glamorous Oxford Street names that we all covet. If you understand anything about British women, it is that we look good in absolutely anything.
Food & Drink
A true British girl understands the importance of cider. It is truly a beautiful thing, and you won’t get that blank stare when you ask for a “SoCo & lime.” Sorry honey, but it is time to jump on the British bandwagon… of drinking very random things with little to no ice. I never understood the lack of ice in Britain; however, they have improved. Cider is the Blue Moon of Britain. We just love it, and that is all I have to say. Also, always order doubles. Always. It helps you ignore the fact that some women in Britain think that no tights in December is acceptable, but also, a gil (the measurement in a serving of alcohol in Britain) is microscopic. Double it up.
If you have lived under a rock for most of your young adult life, then no one has ever mentioned the quality of British food to you. If they have, please ignore them, they have absolutely NO idea what they are talking about. We have taken centuries to practice and perfect our cooking , and some rude people call it terrible? They just don’t have any taste buds. Everything just tastes better, I don’t know if it is the lack of processing, or just Britain being, yet again perfect. Even something as simple as a ham, cheese and tomato sandwich is just fabulous. May I suggest Sainsbury’s sandwich packs, or Upper Crust’s cheese and tomato baguette. Heaven.
Everyone Cool is from Britain
Wills and Kate; yet, more importantly Harry (my personal favorite). There is something about that big ginger that is totally sexy. He falls in swimming pools, makes his poor father bald just worrying about his antics and dates lingerie models. So British. I don’t think I even have to mention David Beckham, do I? Obviously, I cannot write this article without giving the Spice Girls an honorable mention, and let’s be honest, I know they pretty much single-handedly shaped my wardrobe from age six to twelve. Anyway, these five women are
fantastic, even if one of them is from Liverpool, and talks really really funny. We will always love them and their girl power has positively influenced all of our lives.
English as a Second Foreign Language
Finally, a helpful little lesson in the real English language, just in case you choose to (marry into the English royal family) pursue an even higher education across the pond. We spell things differently, and no matter how smart you are it will confuse you. S is the new Z. Realize is actually spelt: realise, apologize, apologise, etc. We also have very funny naughty words which never caught on in the United States, but that is what makes them that much better. It isn’t called the Queen’s English for nothing, our historians did not create a language named ‘American’ but that is probably because we were here first.
London Socialites
Don’t feed the models, or Sloaneys. (Sloh-ney: A rare breed of Londoner, the term ‘Sloaney’ stems from Sloane Square in the West London area of Chelsea and Fulham Broadway. These women harbour an interest in wealth of any kind, and usually come from extreme and almost unnecessary levels of family money, often Chanel clad 20 somethings with trust funds.) Please don’t be alarmed, when your drink is spilled all over you in the basement of a dark club by one of these delightful cultural attractions, who has probably hooked up with Prince Harry. My American friends who came to visit me in London were honestly shocked by this rude behavior. American girls, as a general rule are really sweet. These Sloaneys were absolutely out of control, and scarred my Americans for life. It is a great show if you enjoy outrageous, vapid personas dancing hip-to-hip in a dark room. Adversely, London is known for it’s diversity and most importantly, culture. The Sloaneys are fun to have a little laugh at, but they would be lost in a place like Camden Town. Take a trip to Amy Winehouse’s old stomping ground to witness some real Londoners.
After reading this, I am sure you are thinking what my mum was when she met my dad, “I want to have British children.” If she can do it, so can you. The last time I was in London was the end of August, and I had spent three months working there for the summer. As I began to look around the room at my suitcase on that very last night, I realized that it looked like one of those suitcase bombs that I assume every airport security team fears. I seemed to have acquired tenfold the amount of clothes I came to Europe with, surprising as I was not getting paid for my summer internship. Funny how these things happen. I should have packed my life away that night, but instead, I turned on Madonna and I wrote about London. I wrote about every little thing I could remember, and some of those ideas are here with you, in this article. I did as I have done before: Pack after my morning shower before I left for the airport. Life is too short, and so was my summer. I did not want to leave, but I realized it
was time to at least to think about everything I had experienced in those fabulous three months. I poured myself a big girl’s glass of white wine, and did my best to remember. A lot of memories were only half clear in my head, but at least I came to one conclusion– I will definitely need an extra bag, and possibly a person to follow me around and carry all my things.