Everyone can agree that those first few kisses you share with someone are monumental. Something as simple as a kiss can be what determines your feelings for another person and it can make or break whether you see (or kiss) them again. A kiss can also say a lot about that individual–whether they’re more intimate, shy or completely arrogant. When kisses are good, they’re unbelievable…even magical at times. But, when kisses are bad, they are really bad and can be a miserable experience. Most people tend to think they’re “good kissers”, but if you’re someone who’s prone to one with these 10 maneuvers, you may need to reconsider your kissing techniques.
1. The water spout- This kiss is wet, slobbery and just awful. Usually a result from when a person can’t keep their tongue inside the lines. Rule of thumb, if you or the person you’re kissing needs to wipe their face afterwards, there’s been too much tongue.
2. The nibbler– While a little nibble can be sexy, using someone’s face as a chew toy is definitely not the move of an experienced kisser. This kiss tends to end with pain and in the worst-case scenario: a bloody lip.
3. The stinker- Bad breath is awful on its own but tasting what the person ate for lunch is never acceptable. Whether you just came from eating, taking a smoke break or just haven’t brushed your teeth in a few hours, play it safe before you kiss someone and bring mints.
4. Surprise attack- You’re at a bar or a party, completely lost in conversation, when all of a sudden the person you’re talking to has their face inside yours. This kiss simply crosses the line and should be avoided at all costs. Take the time to learn some basic body language tips, and when in doubt, just ask for permission. Basic chivalry will never go out of style.
5. The dentist- It might have been someone’s great smile that got them the kiss in the first place but too much teeth will immediately end the kiss. The time to show off those pearly whites is not while kissing; stick to basics of lips and tongue and keep teeth out of the picture.
6. The drunken kiss- Be wreary of the drunken kiss whenever alcohol is around, especially if you’re at a fraternity party or bar and it’s after 2am. This kiss is sloppy, hands on, regrettable and usually tastes like Natty Lite.
7. The obstacle- Maybe you both moved your head the same way, the person has glasses, a facial piercing or maybe a hat, but whatever the obstacle is, this kiss is usually uncomfortable for both people.
8. The fish mouth- This kiss is open mouth, no tongue and utterly awkward. Do you keep moving your head? Try to use your tongue? There’s so many unanswered questions. But ultimately the victim of this kiss is just left wondering if the other person knows they have such a thing as a tongue, because they certainly don’t know how to use it.
9. The dagger- There’s no need to try and stab a person’s mouth with your tongue, darting in and out like you’re digging for gold. The dagger kisser needs to learn to be subtler and use their tongue for good and not evil.
10. The woodpecker- This person keeps their lips closed so tight that kissing them resembles how you would kiss your grandmother. The woodpecker needs to learn to loosen up a bit. While loose lips sink ships, tight lips don’t get second dates.
Kissing, like most good things, takes practice to be perfect. If you tend to use one of the 10 bad kissing manuevers mentioned, don’t get discouraged, instead, just try better next time. Remember, admitting you have a problem is the first step to change.
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