Regardless of your gender, sexuality, race, or religion, every little kid growing up heard the phrases, “be a man” or “man up.” Little boys are told this day after day. It’s almost like it has become second nature to utter a phrase that clearly puts boys down. We spend a lot of time talking about women’s rights: we want equal pay, equal job opportunities, equal everything because we’re still viewed as lesser than our male counterparts. And while I consider myself a proud feminist and will never stop fighting for the rights of women everywhere, I had to take a step back and wonder why men react so negatively to the fact that we’re standing up for ourselves. Or better yet, what is preventing them from standing up with us?
FSU’s Men Advocating Responsible Conduct (MARC) “empowers men to actively engage in solutions that reinforce behavioral norms regarding civility and respect.” This past week, MARC hosted a screening of the upcoming documentary, The Mask You Live In, which aims to explore our culture’s narrow definition of masculinity and how it is harming boys, men, and society as a whole. The documentary is the latest from Jennifer Siebel Newsom, the filmmaker behind Miss Representation, a documentary that explores the role the media plays in shaping women’s identities.
It’s important to point out that this is a documentary and documentaries are made to tell a story from a particular point of view. There are points in the film that might not necessarily be true or are over embellished (for instance, most boys have a healthy relationship with their masculinity and not all boys are emotionally unstable growing up like the film painted them to be). But the purpose is to get people talking, have them research on their own, talk with their peers about why things are the way they are and this documentary does just that.
I’m not sure how much is factual in The Mask You Live In, and while testimonies from the men in the film were powerful, the most pertinent thought I walked away with was, how degrading is it to tell boys to ‘man up’ and how did this saying even start in our culture? Men are always viewed as being stronger, the ones who are supposed to take care of their female counterparts or my personal favorite, the “leaders” when it comes to almost everything. This perception and belief leaves no room for emotion or vulnerability. Although I would argue that it is in a man’s biology to be more tough-minded and unsentimental than women, it is pretty clear that our culture’s perception and narrow-mindedness of a man’s being ultimately plays a huge part as well.
I’m writing this from a woman’s point of view, so I don’t know what it’s like to be told to “man up” or “stop crying,” but I do know what it’s like to be told I “should cover myself up more” or that “it’s [my] fault” just because I’m a girl. It’s this thought that made me realize there might be a wide gap that exists between genders, but one thing we can all relate to is society telling us to behave or act a certain way, and if we don’t fall into that mold, something must be wrong with us. Men who are more “feminine” are automatically labeled as gay, just as women who are more “masculine” are automatically labeled as butch, and as far as society is concerned, both are labeled as wrong. When did these labels come to define only a certain group of people? When did these labels marginalize everyone else so drastically who don’t fit within the lines of what society deems appropriate?
If there is ever going to be a change in our society, it must come from men and women working together to abolish the stereotypes, labels, and perceptions of gender roles. It is only then when we will be able to stand together and fight for the rights of everyone. We must eliminate the negative connotation of what it means to “man up” and the idea of hyper-masculinity. We must eliminate the hate and judgments within our own genders before we can truly fight for the equal rights of everyone in the world. Because that’s what we all are: equal. And it’s time to embrace this notion instead of falling backwards 100 years.