This week, I interviewed the instructor for my Women in Literature course, Emilie Mears. We invite you to look at Valentine’s Day through the lens of what it has become to us as women.
To give a little background before we dive in, I am going to introduce something that we already have programmed into our minds. We envy other women for being prettier, more successful, more outgoing, smarter, stronger, etc. than we are, and the list goes on and on. The envy begins to develop into hate because we see these women as competition. We’ve all been there.
It is best said by Hélène Cixous: “Men have committed the greatest crime against women. Insidiously, violently, they have led them to hate women, to be their own enemies, to mobilize their immense strength against themselves, to be the executants of their virile needs.”
Examples of this can be seen in almost any modern-day song, but specific examples Emilie Mears uses are “Milkshake” by Kelis and “Don’t Cha” by The Pussycat Dolls. As women, we compete for men (or other things for that matter) while putting each other down to remain in the running. So this Valentine’s Day I challenge you to work on loving fellow women rather than vying for attention from your boyfriend or crush.
Her Campus (HC): How would you define “Girl Power” and why is it important to have today?
Emilie Mears (EM): It looks a lot different than it did with Spice Girls, which was super helpful to me as an impressionable child when you’re starting to create those homosocial groups. I had a crush on this boy and this other girl had a crush on this boy, and it was exactly like a Cosmo magazine. I would go and slip a note in his cubby, and then she would notice and go and take it out and put her own note in. We start learning these things at a very young age. But when Spice Girls came out saying “If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends,” they were saying my friends have to approve of you. One of the important things about girl groups has to do with instilling common ground with the people around you. It is important to have a group of peers who understand things about you because they have things in common with you.
HC: Is the term “Girl Power” appropriate?
EM: That’s my problem with what it looked like. . . the women that I looked up to acted [superficial]. Like the Spice girls themselves, their idea of being together was very much a nine-year-old sleepover or going to clubs.
HC: In class, you showed us the music video to Dua Lipa’s “New Rules.” How has this sleepover-esque vibe changed?
EM: While the women in that music video are putting make-up on each other, notice it’s not them doing it to themselves but it’s them helping each other. I think there is something different that happens when it’s you and the mirror versus you doing your friend’s face. That’s a very intimate experience. They’re doing it under a certain context of ‘How are we going to help our friend keep to her goals [not caving in to see exes]? We are here to support our friend.’
HC: How do close female friendships improve us as women?
EM: These closer relationships with other women help us learn a lot about ourselves because there are things that we’re socially taught that are unacceptable to talk about, like being on your period. Even in their late teens and early twenties, men are [uncomfortable with periods]. They have jokes like ‘I don’t trust anything that bleeds for seven days and doesn’t die. You can’t say that someone isn’t going to grow up feeling uncomfortable every time they have their period when they feel like they have to hide it. When you have those relationships with other girls at a young age it helps foster that sense of self because you’re able to talk about those things.
HC: How do you feel about the stereotypical question of “What you can do for your man on Valentine’s Day”?
EM: Well, figure out who you are, make some girlfriends! It shouldn’t always be about what he wants. It depends on how you want to define Valentine’s Day. For everybody it’s different, but if it’s about the love between couples, it shouldn’t be about the competition [between women to win over a man]. When I was talking about the male gaze the other day in class, the ultimate problem with that, according to [Laura] Mulvey, was that women start to perceive themselves through that gaze as well. [This begins to] look like the Cosmopolitan thing you were describing. ‘How am I useful? What can I do for this man that she can’t do?’
HC: What would you suggest for a Galentine’s celebration?
EM: Get together with some girlfriends and go on a hike or go to the springs! Especially in Tallahassee there are so many good hiking opportunities. Get some girls together and go have one of these experiences.