Welcome to the latest in relationships, sex, love and dating. Introducing, “The Scoop with Szmuc” (Smook) and no, that’s not pronounced schmuck. Every week we’re giving our readers an opportunity to send in their questions to Her Campus FSU staff writer and relationship guru Sharon Szmuc relating to the theme of the week. Since the semester is ending and this is the last Scoop with Szmuc, our lovely expert would love to give you her last wisdom on what she’s learned from heartache, sex, break ups, fights, rejection and how to get his attention.
Courtesy: Sharon Szmuc
It’s been four years and you no longer are the girl who weeps over her high school sweetheart. It’s been four years and you have kissed many people, gone on wonderful and horrible dates, given your number to some creepy guy at the club who won’t stop Facetiming you and you’re even guilty of downloading Tinder. But in whatever situation you put yourself in and thought, “This can only happen to me,” there were plenty of girls out there who were in your shoes, too. Here is what college taught me about men and what I hope you remind yourself:
- Your high school sweet heart will eventually break up with you.
- He will move on faster than you and that’s okay.
- In order to move on too, you must rebound a while by going out and dancing with random guys… or just your best friend.
- Vodka is a girl’s best friend, but your roommate is an even better one.
- Just because your ex changed his relationship status on Facebook again doesn’t mean he’s happy.
- It could just mean he doesn’t know how to be alone.
- Learn to be alone.
- When you have learned to be alone (of course, after you rebounded for a while) find what makes you happy and don’t give up on it.
- Become friends with someone in your organization, classroom or someone sitting next to you in the library.
- This person you befriend could end up being your next boyfriend, or just a really great friend.
- He won’t always call you back. In fact, he probably won’t remember your name.
- You will be stood up.
- Just make sure you don’t do the same thing to someone that they did to you.
- Always give someone an explanation. “I just see us as friends” is like getting kicked in the balls.
- Get monthly waxes… they come in handy.
- And double check that you shaved, too.
- If you have a walk of shame, do not purposely leave anything at his house so he calls back because you will lose your favorite bra and never get back.
- Make sure you hookup with people who aren’t in your classrooms.
- If he pays, it’s a date. If he doesn’t, then it’s not.
- Do not hook up with your older brother’s best friend.
- If you do, be prepared to explain to your brother the situation.
- Be prepared for your brother to walk in on your makeout session.
- Remember one simple rule: if he’s not calling you, texting you or even poking you on Facebook it’s because he’s not interested.
- If he texted you to ask, “When are you coming home?” once in a blue moon it’s because he’s only interested in one thing.
- That one thing you shouldn’t give him because he’s actually not interested nor does he even care about your favorite color.
- You probably won’t listen to me the first time. So you’ll end up hooking up with him. When you’re on your period and you can’t do much and he says, “Why did you even visit?” Do not give him what he wants.
- You will give him what he wants.
- But just remember to never give into a boy who doesn’t even care to get to know you first.
- One day you might give your heart to someone who doesn’t deserve it. One day you might give your heart to someone who does deserve it. Share your heart with people regardless, it says a whole lot more about you when you love wholeheartedly than not at all.
- Have multiple ladies night out.
- Have at least one, one night stand.
- But, just one.
- Seriously only one.
- Preferably on spring break with some random guy from another university far away who you’ll never see again.
- Then hookup with someone again because dating is fun and it doesn’t hurt to have free froyo.
- And if you start to like this boy, do not f*ck him.
- Or at least wait a month to f*ck him.
- The more you make him wait, the more he’ll be interested. I wish I could tell you why playing hard to get works, but by some law of nature we love what we can’t have.
- But make him wait (no matter how horny you get).
- When you do have sex with him, do not say “I love you” during sex.
- Download Tinder and swipe right.
- Swipe right on people who have interesting bios.
- Maybe you’ll meet your boyfriend on there.
- And if you do, be patient. Just because you’ve dated for a month does not mean he will ask you to be his girlfriend.
- Accept that he too had an ex-girlfriend.
- Do not let your exes back to haunt you once you are happy.
- Remember to spend time with your friends even when you have a boyfriend.
- Remember to spend time alone once in a while.
- Never let a boy get in the way of your dream job because you’re scared of long distance.
- Never let anyone get in the way of your dream jobs.
In your four years you will kiss a bunch of guys, go on plenty of dates, cry, laugh, be embarrassed and even get cum on your face, but whatever it is that you do… do it because you want to not because you want that boy to like you or because you want someone to fill a void. Only give your heart wholeheartedly to the guy who’s willing to open the door for you… the door to his mind, to his insecurities, to his flaws.
And of course, stop caring what your roommates or best friends think. Having sex with a guy who isn’t your boyfriend does not make you a sl*t, it makes you human. Thanks to all who have tuned in each week to read The Scoop with Szmuc. May your college years continue to be daring and may you continue to contribute to the complications of this hook up culture.
XOXO,
Sharon