*Her Campus FSU does not promote illegal behavior and encourages all students to make smart, healthy decisions. This article does not represent the views of Her Campus FSU (or mine).
It’s the day after Valentine’s Day which means that many things occurred this weekend. You totally got hammered, left the club without telling your friends and tripped on your way home (breaking your favorite Steve Madden red heels). The only reason you know all this happened was because you saw your snapchat story and realized 108 people also know the events of your Valentine’s Day. This includes Jack, the guy you’ve been talking to who might not be talking to you anymore (but who cares? Because this weekend you totally knew how to be single and loved every bit of it)!
However, those 108 people don’t know one thing: that you finally crossed off all those men you’ve been waiting to screw on your hook up list (no worries because it was V-Day, like V-Card Gone Day, Whatever happens on V-Day remains a V-Day Secret, or Victoria Secret Lingerie Day). Whoever it was that you f*cked this weekend in the horny city of Tallahassee, I’m sure you weren’t the only one. Here are 10 guys you probably got with this Valentine’s Day weekend.
1. Happy Hour Pots Guy
Courtesy: Buzzfed
On Thursday you realized that Valentine’s Day was three days away and you couldn’t spend it alone while your roommate f*cked her boyfriend of two years in the room next to you. So you went to happy hour hoping to find another guy who also has to listen to his roommate rail his girlfriend doggy style every other night. Seven fireball shots into happy hour, you bump into this guy with major Natty Light breath and you start to make out. You never make it to the club that night, but you do make it to your apartment doing it louder than your roommate. You wake up with a text from her that says, “Glad your three month dry season is over, Brandon and I are happy for you.” They don’t call it happy hour for nothing.
2. The Guy You Swiped Right
Courtesy: Bdcwire
Every Tinder profile this week has said, “Roses are red, violets are blue, looking for someone who can be the big spoon” or “This Valentine’s Day swipe right so I can swipe away that v-card.” Damn, we’d be lying to ourselves if we said we didn’t go on Tinder this weekend. Most likely, you totally went over that guy’s house after 30 minutes of sexting him. After this weekend, five-miles-away-guy could turn into your next FWB. Or maybe it was so bad that you now know to avoid Campus Circle just in case you run into David from the first floor.
3. Classes Out, Recess in Session Guy
Courtesy: The Gloss
They don’t call it Recess for any other reason except for the fact that it’s the place where classes are out and you can play more than just games. It’s the one place where you don’t think about the three discussion board posts you have due at 11:59 p.m. on Sunday night, but about all the guys you want to do before 11:59 p.m. on Sunday night. It’s Valentine’s Day—you can totally grind in the middle of the dance floor to The Weeknd’s “Can’t Feel My Face,” and end up feeling his d**k touching you from behind. His major boner does not offend you, but rather flatters you, knowing that you actually can dance like the latina we all have inside of us. Thanks to Recess you didn’t have to actually try to find a Valentine’s Day date. That guy at the VIP table next to the dance floor ended up in your bed with you the next morning, and even though he doesn’t know he was your Valentine, when your mom calls you can still tell her you met a nice boy. A nice boy who cooked you breakfast (and flipped you to your back like a pancake and hit it from behind).
4. PIKE, KA or Delt Boy
Courtesy: Tumblr
So out of all of the girls who attended PIKE, KA and Delt’s Crush Party this Wednesday, you and about 100 other girls can officially say you got with the hottest guys on campus. This party actually came in handy since that red romper from Urban Outfitters that makes your 34Bs look on fleek helped you get Dan’s number. You now joined the rest of us and finally got your walk of shame through Heritage Grove. I’m sure most Uber drivers feel blessed for such active members within the Greek community. So tell your married a** roommate that you had a better Valentine’s Day than her since you basically got with the FSU edition of Zac Efron, except maybe with less noticeable abs. Whatever, they are still totally there.
5. Your Ex-Boyfriend
Courtesy: Tumblr
Girl, what the hell were you thinking? I know you’ve celebrated Valentine’s Day with him before and it felt weird to only receive a care package from your mom this year. So what did drunk-off-Bacardi you do? Your ex. He bought you a box of chocolates. You Netflix and Chilled through three Harry Potter movies because like Dumbledore said, “Happiness can be found in the darkest of times, if only one remembers to turn on the lights.” In your case though, I hope that your ex at least turned you on, turned off the lights and reminded you of the happier times. No worries, we won’t actually judge you for doing your ex—we all go back to them at some point, anyways. And if you got back together, well then, see? Dumbledore was right—happiness can be found in the darkest of times.
6. Backburner Guy
Courtesy: Tumblr
Let me guess: this guy is still not your boyfriend, he’s still not your FWB and you probably still can’t remember his hometown, his birthday and only know that his last name starts with a W. He’s the guy that you hit up at 2 a.m. when there is no one else left. He still comes over each time, has amazing shower sex with you and can give all around the best head. Of course, on Valentine’s Day you hit him up because all of the above options did not work out for you. After all, he wanted the v on V-day very badly. Maybe you’ll hit him up on St. Patrick’s Day too!
7. Your Best Guy Friend
Courtesy: Tumblr
Do not sit there and tell me that guys and girls can be best friends. Well sure they can, but not when you both have been complaining to each other for the past two months about how pathetic you are for being dateless this Valentine’s Day. You were sitting on his bed listening to him b*tch about Katie from his Poli-Sci class who won’t text back. You told him to stop being such a p*ssy, and he looked at you and started making out with you. Today is Monday and you have to look at the red hickey on your neck and think, hope our four-year friendship isn’t ruined. Can we please make out again? Katie-who? No worries, I am sure he forgot all about her as of yesterday.
8. A Gator Hunting for FSU P*ssy
Courtesy: Wikia
Sorry to all my ladies in the Ville, but let’s face it—your Gator men come to the Nasty to look for girls who aren’t prude, but experienced. They got tired of searching at Cantina for a girl to take home, they got tired of having one night stands from Grogs and they probably got with half of Shuck’s, so this past weekend they came to Tallahassee to get with the hottest girls in Florida. If you got with a Gator this Valentine’s Day, we won’t call you a traitor. If anything, we applaud you. You really did take one for the team! Maybe we can now say, that’s another Florida State touchdown?
9. A Sigma Pi
Courtesy: Giphy
Where you the angel or the devil this weekend? Did you play seven minutes with your mouth on a frat brother’s d*ck? Or did you have some sinsational sex? This past Friday you probably lost all your innocence and got with a Sigma Pi. Whether it was more than just your horns that came out this weekend or a brother finally teaching you how it feels to reach orgasm heaven, you can now give us all girls some 411 on the Sigma Pi brothers—we are all dying to know who is single and looking for a date to their next function.
10. “Theta-Chi-Date-a-Guy”
Courtesy: Giphy
Word is that this weekend Theta Chi had their Desperado event, and if you’re not already a Desperado Darling, then you at least now know that Theta Chi’s are the frat boys that you do bring home to meet the parents. They’re the Ted Mosbys, Ross Gellers and Cory Mathews of the world. We expect that all frat guys just want that Tallanasty p*ssy, and while this might be true for most of the student male population, hopefully a Theta Chi bro proved that he might want someone to cuddle with too.
Whether you put your friendship on the line with your best guy friend, had a walk of shame in Heritage Grove, were asked to semi-formal after this weekend or started to sing Taylor Swift’s “We Are Never Getting Back Together” to your ex since he assumed that pity Valentine’s Day f*ck was something special – don’t freak out. I have great news! All Valentine’s Day candy is now on sale at your local pharmacy and supermarket. Stop taking shots, stop having regrets and start unwrapping condoms. I mean, candy.