September 22nd was a big night for Fox network with the premiere of its new primetime special ‘Scream Queens’. The show stars Emma Roberts and Skyler Samuels as sorority sisters intertwined by gruesome murders and the past of their beloved Kappa house. The show began with a 2 hour premiere that left this collegiette and horror fan wanting more. Tuesday nights are now filled with all of the typical horror clichés brought to us by some of our fan favorites of the 80’s and 90’s, as well as some other familiar faces from our television screens. Here are 75 thoughts that occurred during the 2 hour launch of ‘Scream Queens’:
1. Popcorn check
2. 1995 the year I was born!
3. Oooo bloody hands and she’s walking through some type of party at a fancy house?
4. Why is there a girl holding a baby in a bathtub?
5. Is that the girl from that one season of Awkward who went to the dance with Matty? She had a baby?
6. Okay I get it having a baby in a bathtub looks bad and I get that Waterfalls by TLC is a good song but you’re just going to leave her there?
7. The bloody hands girl is now crying holding the baby while the girl from Awkward is dead in the bathtub… great party guys
8. This is just like the movie Sorority Row
9. Back to 2015 with Queen B Emma Roberts
10. Of course her name is Chanel… and she named her minions Chanel as well
11. She calls the maid ‘white nanny’ lol
12. Dean Munch hates sororities and Chanel… damn, at least she’s honest
13. So the president of Kappa before Chanel was killed by a burning spray tan… I get it. Being fake kills you. Good job writers
14. … who the hell is this wannabe ‘90s chick? Why is she a lawyer? Oh she’s the head president of Kappa nationals… but a lawyer? She’s too dumb for this
15. Cheesy blonde whose mom died but was a Kappa, just like every other movie about sororities
16. Her dad was Team Edward… I approve
17. Typical college move in scene where the girl cries as the parent leaves
18. Roommate comes in… I know her… Who is this actress?!
19. Why is the cheesy blonde staring at the house like it is evil? I mean I get it is but she hasn’t even been inside yet… and the red devil is staring at her? Who the hell is that? And why are there these 3 girls walking in white dresses? What?
20. The ‘90s chick is named Gigi and it is great. Her and Dean Munch make it so anyone can pledge Kappa and only losers stay. Typical
21. Okay did Chanel #5 just smack herself for real?
22. Gigi’s therapist told her that she went through some type of trauma which left her stuck in the ‘90s so I am assuming she was there when the whole baby in the bathtub thing happened
23. ONE PLEDGE IS A CANDLE VLOGGER THIS IS HILARIOUS… AND DEAF TAYLOR SWIFT OH MY GOSH
24. Nick Jonas looks good playing golf… and Chanel’s boyfriend is an idiot
25. Sorry Nick, Michael Bay is not the greatest director of all time
26. The barista was that guy Spencer dated in Pretty Little Liars!!!
27. Chanel what is with your extremely specific coffee order? … did she call him a coffee donkey?
28. Cheesy blonde getting coffee now! ‘Senorita Awesome’ is right
29. Oh, her name is Grace. Missed that before
30. Barista guy is reporter for school paper who hates Kappa… hmm do I smell motive?
31. Just remembered Grace’s roommate is from True Jackson VP
32. Okay so evil collage of Chanel in Ms Bean’s room… cool
33. CHANEL REALLY FRIED HER FACE OFF… MS BEAN IS REALLY DEAD CHANEL KILLED HER WHY WHO TURNED THE FRIER ON
34. Did they seriously just wrap up her body and stick it in a freezer?!
35. Oh god I forgot this thing was 2 hours long… here we go!
36. So the dean smokes cigarettes and sleeps with students
37. She is making it sound like she was Kappa president at some point…
38. So I guess barista boy is named Pete… and he called out Grace for the body in the freezer
39. Grace wants to help reporter Pete get the true story about Kappa which is somehow going to involve her and everyone else in ways we won’t understand until the end
40. Everyone goes to see Ms. Bean dead in the freezer but oh no the body is gone! Like you didn’t expect that to happen?!
41. Why is Chanel starting a blood oath? Why is Ariana Grande afraid of STD’s and blood oath?
42. Dude Ariana has the right idea by calling mommy and getting the hell out of there
43. Uh oh she got a text. It’s the devil
44. CALLED IT
45. This is just like the first season of Scream The TV Series
46. Why aren’t they verbal? Girl scream don’t just text him!
47. She got stabbed and kicked him in the balls, good job Ariana! *applauds*
48. Why are you crawling to the laptop? Why is she typing? Is she writing a freaking tweet? Oh my god she’s going to tweet to get someone to help her.
49. See she got stabbed for that… and wakes up one last time to hit enter. Good job writers, very creative
50. Have to admit I love the horror clichés
51. Chanel you don’t need any more minions, we all know Grace is better than that
52. The girls are dug in the ground with just their heads poking out… I’m waiting for the devil
53. The devil turned on the lawn mower… deaf girl singing taylor swift while everyone else screams And the devil killed deaf taylor swift… ran over her freaking head with a lawnmower… that’s gross
54. Dean of Murder U and Friends episode where people get murdered… this is great
55. Gigi don’t got this
56. Neck brace is obsessed with death and knows how to destroy the body properly? that is fucking weird… and she’s calling Chanel mom… I hate this
57. Denise should not be protecting the girls. She’s going to die, calling it right now.
58. Step 3 is run, not step 1. Step 3. Stupid people. You’re all stupid.
59. Why is Grace going into the creepy basement alone? That is never a good sign
60. Of course she’s accident prone and brings down an entire bookshelf. Oh, look! A creepy door with a padlock
61. Cue cheesy ‘80s music for awkward kiss
62. Yeah you go Grace break into that creepy room
63. There is a creepy bloodstain… wait oh crap that’s the bathtub from the intro
64. Why is she opening the chest? Wait, mix cd with Waterfalls on it? That’s from the baby in the bathtub party!
65. THE BLOODSTAIN IS ON THE ACTUAL BATHTUB IN THAT BASEMENT WHY DID THEY KEEP IT WHY IS IT THERE
66. It’s where Kappa keeps its darkest secrets… like murder
67. Why did Dean Munch cover it up?! Is that why she hates Kappa?!
68. Who the hell is the baby? Is it Grace? Pete? Chanel? I know the killer is probably who was born in the damn tub.
69. Who wouldn’t let Nick Jonas crawl into bed with them?
70. I love Pete stripping down and trying to seduce Grace when it clearly isn’t working… the devil costume being in his closet isn’t helping…
71. Gigi and Grace’s dad are singing along to male power ballads from 1995… no. just no.
72. WHY DID YOU KILL NICK JONAS
73. Chanel, stop calling everyone else a psychopath when you seriously are one.
74. NICK JONAS IS ALIVE AND WORKING WITH THE DEVIL WHAT THE HELL
75. Why did I just waste 2 hours watching this? And why am I excited for the next epsiode?