My roommate has found herself in another dilemma: with spring semester underway, she’s looking for a fresh start. For her, this means new books, new clothes, and new boys. While my roommate had been continuously hooking-up with the same guy for the better half of fall semester, she’s looking to leave their hooking-up days in the past. However, instead of stopping all contact and avoiding him like the flu, my roommate wants to remain good friends with her ex-flame. If you too are wondering how to stop hooking-up but stay friends, here are a few rules I suggest you follow:
1. Keep Your Distance: whether he’s in your close circle of friends, or you only see him when you’re out, do your best to keep your distance. This first step is crucial, and you’ll need to stick to it in order to avoid weeknight rendezvous or weekend mishaps. Remember that if you want to remain friends, you shouldn’t be obviously avoiding him. But, you should make sure that his window of opportunity to reel you in again is closed. For the first few weeks I suggest that you avoid physical contact, i.e. hugging, as much as possible, so as not to send the wrong message or get drawn back in to past habits.
2. Be Short and Sweet: as I have already mentioned, blatantly ignoring and avoiding him will not aid you in your quest to remain friends. So, it is important to keep in touch and allow for some contact. Any conversations, whether in person or via text, should be short and sweet (with the exception of “the talk,” if you are going to discuss where your relationship stands). Your responses should be short enough for him to tell you’re not flirting, but sweet enough for him to know you’re still interested in being friends.
3. Stick to the Plan: it may prove to be more difficult than you expect to stop hooking-up. There may still be chemistry or a Friday night may get the best of you. Remember what you really want, and stick to the plan. Slipping up even one night may cause him to think you’re still interested in continuing the relationship that way, so it’s important to be mentally prepared for running into him while you’re out. I suggest you enlist your friends or roommates for back up; having a friend with you at all times can be a big help to keep yourself from flirting or leaving with him.
Play by these rules and you, like my roommate, can successfully end your fall semester hook-up without losing him as a friend!