The other day I stumbled upon a YouTube Video about Fake friends. This YouTuber was discussing how for most of her high school career, she really wanted to fit a certain image and to be known as one of the girls in the “cooler” crowd. She wanted people to like her so she would belittle herself, and allow herself to be the butt of a joke, because that’s what helped her “fit in” to that crowd. She ended the youtube video by saying “ Do not shrink yourself for others comfort. You will just end up disappointment in the end”.
Recently my mom and I were having a really deep conversation about how I let certain people in my life and their negative actions affect me so much. I thought back to people in my past who have hurt me and I wondered why I gave them such importance when I did. I also wondered how I let it get to that point of disrespect? Of course there are always going to be people in this world who are rude to you for no reason, but all of the people I could think who affected me so, were different. They were friends of mine. As I grow older, im realizing that maybe those people in my life were not the issue. Maybe it was me?
Just like the girl in the YouTube video I realized that, maybe I, too, let myself be the butt of the joke for so long to make others comfortable. For the longest time when I would meet someone new, I would say some joke making fun of myself so that I can break the ice. I didn’t really notice that I did it, and I thought back and questioned if it was something I did all the time. So much so that it makes those around me feel like they can do it as well. What usually happened is that I would get hurt but I never said anything, so they would continue. It was a constant cycle and it wasn’t fair to me or the other person because I never told them when I was hurt so we couldn’t fix the relationship. Our friendship would eventually just fade away.
If you know me you know that I really value friendship. I love meeting new people, being around people, and making people happy. As sappy as this sounds (im super sappy, sorry), seeing others happy, especially those I love, makes my heart beam with joy. Growing up my mom always told me that each and every person on this earth has a purpose, and I truly believe that my purpose is to love on people as much as I can.
But where does one draw the line between being there for everyone, and having people walk over you? Why did I have to sacrifice my comfort for someone else? Being nice often gets mistaken for being weak, and that should not be the case.
Well fellow people pleasers, its about time that we also start putting ourselves first. It’s taken me a while to learn and I still have to practice it everyday, but its all part of loving ourselves more.
Give love to as many people as you can, even to those who don’t deserve it– but always demand respect.
You are a gem and should be treated like one!
So give it a try. Practice focusing on yourself this week.