In honor of Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream performance this week at Franklin and Marshall, we have compiled a list of Shakespearean heroines in the modern day. Who are you most like? A better question is: aren’t you glad you aren’t these girls?
HERMIA, “A Midsummer Night’s Dream”
Daddy has an issue with my boyfriend! He thinks Lysander isn’t right for me and that I should take Demetrius instead. But Demetrius is such a total creep! He follows me everywhere! One time, he followed me and Lysander, out back and into the woods. What a total creep.
HELENA, “A Midsummer Night’s Dream”
I love Hermia like a sister. I’d do anything for her. But, don’t tell anybody this, Hermia gets all the guys. She has both Lysander and Demetrius wrapped around her fingers like they are her little boy toys. All I want is to be in love. To be loved. What does she have that I don’t have? Demetrius, oh how I wish you’d would notice me…
TITANIA, “A Midsummer Night’s Dream”
Let’s get this straight. I’m the queen bee. I run this place. Nobody gets in my way. Listen to this: The other day my husband accused me of cheating, and not only that, but with a minor! So, I went out and cheated anyway. But the guy was such a “donkey.” He was really gross and bossy. I’m so glad I woke up from that dream-state. Who needs guys anyway?
JULIET, “Romeo and Juliet”
Last night, I met the most amazing guy at the club. We danced and laughed. My heart fluttered. The only problem is we go to rival schools. I can’t be seen anywhere with him or else my friends will disown me. We have to meet in private. Someplace no one can find us alone. I have to see him. I’ll kill myself if I can’t see him again!
LADY MACBETH, “Macbeth”
My husband and I don’t have any children so we put a lot of effort and ambition into our work. So far, I’ve worked my way to the top. But the boss needs to go. There’s no doubt that someone like me would be better in charge. Perhaps that could happen if the boss mysteriously “disappeared.”
OPHELIA, “Hamlet”
Hamlet keeps pushing me away. I can’t figure out why he won’t talk to me. All I can do is just be there for him. I know that he’s under a lot of pressure. But ignoring me and fighting isn’t helping. You know what!? Perhaps a song could cheer him up! Yes! A song! “La La La.”