What is my destiny? Have I made a risky career choice? Which emoji is more flirty? Swipe left or swipe right?
All weighty, and very serious questions to be considered deeply in those moments when you’re sitting in bed on your ninth episode of Glow, and three quarters of the way through a bar of Cadbury’s Whole Nut. And what better way to answer them, than to have a bit of fun reading your horoscope. By chance, you find an article on Facebook that might give you the answers to all your woes…”What Flavour VK is your Star Sign and What it Says About your Future”, type in A.. Q.. U.. ARIUS.., that should do the job.
Call it procrastination; a hoax or just reading in to things, but horoscopes can be great fun. We mean, matching up that slobbering mess of a tinder date from the other week with what your horoscope calls: “A tormenting event that will lead to more extravagant, fulfilling things and probably world domination”, can’t fail to be fun.
And although many horoscopes are now read as a bit of a laugh, something you do with your flatmates on nights where there really isn’t anything on TV, and nobody can be asked to go out, they didn’t start out life as a running joke. So what is the story of the horoscope? Why are they so prolific on social media now? And what is our obsession with knowing the future?
1. Queen Cleo had a thing for the Zodiac
The zodiac, derived from the Greek word meaning “circle of animals”, was developed in ancient Egypt, and later adopted by the Babylonians. Early astrologers knew it took 12 months for the sun to return to its original position. They then identified 12 constellations, linked to the four seasons, and assigned them names of certain animals and people, e.g. the Aquarian water bearer in the rainy season. (Oh yes, we can tell you lots about the rainy season in Exeter… It lasts all year.)
The signs of the zodiac were then divided into four groups:
- Fire Signs: Aries, Sagittarius, Leo
- Water Signs: Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces
- Air Signs: Libra, Aquarius, Gemini
- Earth Signs: Capricorn, Taurus, Virgo
The zodiac were said to represent and exhibit certain characteristics of those who were born under that sign. For example Leo, or the lion, was thought to be charismatic and a strong leader. Egyptian people would classify themselves against these standards and early astronomers looked for links and prophesies in the seasons and constellations.
So, next time you read your horoscope (even if it’s just in a Cosmo article surrounded by your wine-drunk friends), channel your inner Cleopatra and make like a Queen. (Even if it’s just some gold eyeliner). If the Queen of the Nile liked a good horoscope, you can too!
2. Maybe GCSE Geography wasn’t a waste after all?!!?
What a lot of people don’t know about horoscopes is that they are actually maps! As much as they pop up in long paragraphs on our Facebook timeline, and in films are magically drawn out of a crystal ball, horoscopes are actually legitimate maps, made up of a circular representation of the sky or ‘celestial sphere’, plotted with the placement of the constellations at the exact time or day of your birth. (Or indeed any significant event!) The graph would change drastically depending on the year, month, day, hour, and even possibly the minute, (though we might be stretching it here), of your birth.
In Ancient England, these became a method of divination, and a way to read the prospects or ‘future’ of the person whose birth was charted. (Yes, JK Rowling clearly loves a good horoscope). However, in Medieval England, with the introduction of strict Catholic morals, these readings became defunct and heretical.
3. Witchy, Voodoo Stuff
Thus we move into the witchy aspect of horoscopes. Hermione, Sabrina, Ursula- this one’s for you.
Since ancient times, women, (particularly), involved with mixing healing potions, giving out talismans, telling fortunes or reading palms were branded witches. In using forms of horoscope, these women offered a service to people that was fascinating and also fiercely believed. Knowing the future in a world where, especially before the advent of modern medicine, would have been a blessing for the general public. However, horoscopes and fortune telling was a big money-maker for ‘witches’ and traveling gypsies, and there are records of people being predicted mixed and terrible fortunes, making them dependent on the witches, going back again and again to get better fortunes. Charming.
4. Our Obsession With the Future
Our modern obsession with the future, and indeed horoscopes, comes both from what psychologists might say is the traditional ‘fear of the unknown’ or ‘other’ and also the Hollywood portrayal of fantasy, the future and magic. We mean, who doesn’t lust after a Hollywood star? (*Yes, Scott Eastwood, you can take me on a date anytime, just give me a call.*) And who doesn’t want to know if anything near that possibility is stored up in our future? It appears that we are so anxious to know about the future because it is the one of the only things we cannot control or know for certain! This just got deep, we know… Probably reading into things too much.
HCX definitely enjoys a good horoscope now and then! But, we’re still waiting for that one that tells us in ten years we’re going to be mega-rich and famous with a lovely house and Anthony Joshua as our husband.You know, we’ll get there eventually.