This article has been very long awaited, and also quite hard to write. It comes from a number of intense, angsty conversations pondering society’s understanding of female sexuality, pre-conceived ideas of what male-female sexual relations should be like, and what essentially separates a ‘slut’ from a potential girlfriend, or what some boys charmingly coin ‘wifey’.
It makes sense to start by looking at a potential circumstance. Lets start with this: Boy meets Girl at club. Boy and Girl engage in ‘banterous’ conversation. Boy and Girl walk home together. Boy likes Girl, Girl likes Boy. This example is made into a sliding doors situation with two different possible outcomes: 1) Girl decides to sleep with Boy or, 2) Girl decides not to sleep with Boy.
Now, I don’t even know where to start with this problem, because I am well aware of the fact that I have put this all down to the Girl as the decision maker. But the fact remains that in most cases, the guy is willing to sleep with the girl, and it is down to the girl to decide whether she wants ‘the D’. But often, two very different outcomes emerge depending on what decision said Girl makes on this occasion. Following decision number 1, the sad, but likely outcome is that this Girl, no matter how good the sex, no matter how funny she was or pretty or clever she is, she moves into slut territory. Typically, guy returns home to boast of HIS pulling power, and how hot the girl was, but will, to him, along with his friends remain as a slut. Ok, yes, she was ‘DTF’ as his rugby friends, once again, charmingly coin her. But wasn’t he, equally? And despite his fruitful attempts to woo the lady, this lad’s Eve complex inexplicably leads him to the conclusion that she is the seducer, and therefore she, not him, is the slut.
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How does this make any sense? And most importantly, why is this ok? For Girl Number Two, often, not always, but often, the outcome is very different. Girl Number Two has remained un-attainable, and though she might initially be branded a ‘cock-tease’ she is suddenly all the more desirable. Therefore, Girl Number Two might have found herself a way to slip into ‘wifey’ territory- (how lucky she is!) Maybe the Boy might ask for her number, interested to know about her because she ‘didn’t give it all away up front’. Maybe they’ll go on a couple of dates, maybe they’ll get together, maybe they’ll remain together, forever and ever. It doesn’t really matter.
The fact remains, Girl Number One loses out. And why? All because she decided to have sex with the Boy, who is equally willing to have sex with her. To the Boy, he has completed his mission, there is no more to gain from this girl, and, probably subconsciously, he has managed to put her into a neat little box of ‘sluts’ to boast about later.
Often, however, girls are as much at blame. In the words of Tina Fey, us girls have ‘GOT to stop calling each other sluts and whores… it only makes it ok for guys’ to say it. Yes I’m quoting Mean Girls here, because it pretty much encompasses the point I’m trying to make. Girls are constantly judging each other, and putting each other down, and to what avail?
How many times have you told your friend, ‘just don’t sleep with him tonight and he’ll stay interested’, or said ‘don’t wear that you don’t want to look TOO slutty’. To me, this seems counter-productive.
I guess I just sometimes wish I could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy…
Enough mean girls, but seriously, I’m sick of playing by these so called ‘rules’. What if Girl Number One and said ‘Lad’ were perfect for each other? They would never even know it because somebody told him she was a slut, and somebody told her not to text him afterwards, in case she looked desperate.
So, in the words of Rizzle Kicks, ‘What’s wrong if a girl loves sex?’ – because they do – sorry to shatter anyone under any other illusion. No, we don’t necessarily want to be your girlfriend, but neither do we want to be treated like a complete whore (not all the time anyway).
Can said ‘Lad’ and Girl Number One not just enjoy a night (or more) of unashamed, fantastic sex, and possibly a bit of decent conversation? And can they not just maintain a bit of respect for one another afterwards? We’re grown ups. Surely it’s not that hard…
Picture credits: weheartit.com