Relationships are pretty unpredictable; one minute, you feel like you’re soaring on a cloud on magic mushrooms, and then you’re suddenly Blank Space crazy because he hasn’t messaged you in what feels like decades.
Yet whilst relationships are messy and beyond confusing, we all seem to have this idea that break-ups are pretty straight-forward. You grieve, you find your inner Beyoncé, and you move on…. Right?
We’re not so sure. In fact, we have decided that there are quite a few break-up myths out there, and they need to be exposed:
1. All break-ups follow the same pattern.
Everyone seems to think that break-ups follow the same pattern: you cry, you get angry, you regain your sass. In our experience, however, a break-up is not a simple Three Stage affair. There will be days where you jump out of bed jamming to I Will Survive but then have a little weep in the shower whilst singing a depressing Taylor Swift song (we hear Dear John is a favourite). There is no allotted time you’re going to be sad/angry/sassy for, you just have to be prepared for a Pic ‘n’ Mix of emotions!
2. You are going to hate your ex.
This definitely depends on the context. If he/she had a threesome with your best friend and your sister on the evening of your two-year anniversary, then the odds of you wishing them well are going to be slim. But generally speaking, it is possible to break up with someone and still be happy for them when they tweet something like “best day everrrrr” (even though you know that that’s impossible, since you were not in their day).
3. You no longer have a right to be jealous.
I mean, that’s just a ridiculous myth. Of course you still have the right to be jealous – you were this person’s bae and now you’re not before anyone else on their list! As much as you want them to be happy, there is definitely a limit: if he tweets something even remotely flirty to his female friend then it is totally OK to screenshot it and send it to your friends for a Major B*tching Sesh.
4. Unfriending him on Facebook will bring closure.
If a relationship didn’t end well then you may want to scrap this person out of your life completely, which is why lots of us make the fatal mistake of unfriending them on Facebook. This does not bring closure! Instead, you end up messaging your friends every day and asking them to keep you updated on what’s going on in his life. Trust us, your friends are going to get real tired of sending you screenshots of his new pet rabbit.
5. You’ll be ready for a rebound as soon as you’ve downed some Sambuca.
Even though you and your friends were singing Taylor Swift’s ‘22’ at the top of your lungs on the taxi ride to Timepiece, that does not mean that you are ready to fully embrace the single lifestyle yet. Moving on is really hard because you know that as soon as you lock lips with someone new, that old relationship is truly in the past. And that’s just really sad, to be honest! Take your time getting over your ex before you go looking for a rebound – if you rush into it, you may end up crying in the grim Mosaic toilets (and nobody wants that…).
Break-ups suck – they make you feel as special as a DFS Sale (aka not at all – I mean, I swear they have a sale every day?!). But the important thing to remember is that, whilst you feel god-awful right now, things are going to get better. You’ll be back on that (metaphoric) magic mushroom high at some point in the future!