Most dating articles will tell you to steer well clear of the dreaded T word. But fear not! Here at HCX we have faith that you can become Tinderella in 12 easy steps…
1. Download Tinder…for the first time. Enjoy swiping. LOVE swiping. Gain joy and an ego boost from the sheer amount of good looking boys (or just boys in general) who think you’re attractive.
2. Engage in meaningless conversation and battles of wit with your matches. Think up clever comebacks to outdated chat up lines. Eg. Opening line – “I would go to brown town on your ass” …actually, don’t reply to that one.
3. Get stood up on your first ever Tinder date. Find yourself alone in a London bar sadly swilling a whiskey only to receive a message the next day saying “Sorry I went to the wrong pub.”
4. Delete Tinder. You know you’ll never find true love there. It’s pointless. You’re addicted to swiping, not love. Your life and phone memory will be better off without it – good riddance!
5. Wait an appropriate two months. Don’t go on any dates. Boredom will set in. Re-download Tinder but make a resolution to actually meet up with your matches in person.
6. Post a Tinder moment (ok they don’t exist now) whilst dressed in a Baywatch costume and caption it “I’m on Bae-watch.” Become crestfallen when no-one likes it.
7. Go on a date with a really nice guy. Chat about interesting things. Drink too much wine. Bring him back to yours. Watch him flee unexpectedly when he says his taxi has arrived. Realise the next day that you sent a text intended for your mum to him. – “OMG, I think he’s the one”
8. Change your search preferences to look for girls as well. Men are all dicks.
9. Go on a couple of dates with girls and tell all of your friends that you think you’re bi-sexual.
10. Decide to delete Tinder once again…but not before one last swipe for old times’ sake. After two messages you invite your latest match on a date.
11. The date goes well. You agree to a second date – then a fourth and a fifth…
12. You both secretly delete Tinder – for good.
It may not have been love at first swipe, but you’ve played the game of Tinder…and won the jackpot.