So I know what you’re thinking, who doesn’t have sex in college right? Well, it might surprise you, but a large amount of college students are still “virgins.” Now, I say it in quotes because we all know virginity is a social construct created by men to deem whether or not a woman is “pure” and “desirable,” but that’s another rant for another time. So just know that this is my stance whether it appears in quotes or not.
In recent months, it’s come to my attention that many of my peers are uncomfortable with the fact that they are virgins. So, it begged the question of me of course, why do they feel this way. As a virgin myself, personal fact, gross, I know, I’m sorry, point being that I never thought about it as a problem, nor have I seen it as something I need to change. My decision not to have sex is just that, my decision. Granted, I will say it is reliant on other external factors such as my sexuality, but all in all, it is my choice not to just “do it and get it over with.”
So, now that we are clear on the position I’m in, I wanted to look at why my friends where all feeling uncomfortable and pressured to have sex with the first man who offered. Ladies, please! You don’t need to do this I want to make this very clear! I also want to make it clear that while I am speaking to females specifically here, the point stands for men as well. If you haven’t met the right person, don’t feel pressured to do anything you’re uncomfortable with.
So, for starters, let’s get this clear, college students definitely aren’t having all the sex you think they are having. In this Cosmopolitan article, it clearly states that out of their questioned group of college kids, 39% of them were virgins. I know, I know, not as big of a statistic as you were thinking when I started that sentence to prove you wrong, but hear me out. Didn’t you think everyone was having sex? Yeah, no, I promise you, some of us do actually exist. Not only that, but an additional 41 percent of women and 49 percent of men said they were not sexually active. And this was a survey of over 700 students. While there are clearly many more students going to college than just the 700 who answered Cosmopolitan’s survey, it is clear that being a virgin isn’t abnormal as many people seem to assume about the millennial generation. Fellow virgins, I assure you, you are not the mystical unicorn everyone thinks that you are (unless you want to be..then heck yeah! Go for it, you mystical little unicorn!).
But what I realized when talking to my friends was that when they were meeting people of their preferred genders, those individuals were asking to know their sexual history. And when my friends said that they were not sexually active, or that they did not want to have sex or hook up with the individual, that individual would typically get mad or talk down on the fact that they had never had sex. They would shame my friends for their decision to abstain from sex and if you ask me, that’s not okay. So I’d like to say, virgins, you are not in the wrong at all for not having had sex. The person who is telling you you should just lose it to get it over with is in the wrong. No one should tell you what you should and shouldn’t be doing with your body and this culture of pressuring people into sex needs to stop.
Sure, we all know that the millennial generation is a “hookup” generation (although if you read that Cosmopolitan article, it might change your mind but, going off of this being a “fact”…). That doesn’t mean that everyone wants to hook up, however. Nor does it force anyone to enter into a sexual situation they are uncomfortable with. It also doesn’t mean that everyone is entitled to sex in any situation just because some people enjoy hookups. No means no! (again in case anyone missed it–NO MEANS NO!) I also want to point out that because it is a hookup generation, that doesn’t mean that sex is meaningless to the entire generation of people, in fact, if you read the Cosmopolitan article, you’ll see that sex is something that is important to people and that they want to do it with people they like rather than people they just met. While I am in no way shaming anyone who decides to have sex or a one night stand, I’m saying that every decision that you make is your own free will, and people shouldn’t try to convince you to change your mind. Anyone who does isn’t worth your time if you ask me, because everyone deserves to have their opinion and choices respected.
While what I am saying is mainly geared toward you ladies, I feel like I need to address the men and non-binary (I didn’t forget you I promise!) readers who might be reading this as well. Don’t feel like you need to lose your virginity to make people happy. What matters is what makes you happy. If you’re embarrassed by it, don’t be. It isn’t something to be ashamed of and I want you to know that I fully respect your decision not to have sex, and I fully support you for choosing that. If it’s not something you chose and something that just kind of accidently happened without you realizing it, that’s okay too, just because it happened don’t feel pressured to just do it to get it over with either. If someone judges you for not having had sex before, that’s a reflection on them and not you. Please don’t feel like it is something that you have to change to please other people. Only worry about yourself and your feelings.
So my point is, don’t feel pressured to have sex with anyone! You are beautiful and amazing just as you are, sex or no sex. If someone is pressuring you to have sex, don’t be afraid to say no. If they are still pressuring you and you’re not comfortable, leave the situation. If it’s your friend, well then I would argue they’re not really your friend. The people who matter to you are going to respect your choice to remain a virgin, no matter what the reason is. If it’s not something you’ve chosen for yourself, don’t let them convince you that you should have lost it or should lose it in the near future if you are not ready to. Maybe you haven’t met the right person, maybe the timing hasn’t been right, and maybe this is just a personal thing, you’re hella asexual and you never want to have sex. Whatever the reason is, you don’t have to do it until you are ready. It is completely okay to remain a virgin until you’re completely comfortable giving yourself to someone in such a personal and intimate way. Don’t let people say things like “but you’re a virgin, you have to lose it at some point, why not just do it now with me,” look them in they eye and say “today is not that day buddy,” (everyone hates being called buddy when they’re trying to get laid).
If sex is something that you want, go for it, all I’m saying is you don’t have to feel pressured into doing anything you aren’t ready for. And if you’re not ready, there is nothing to be embarrassed about, because even though your friends might be having sex, and you might feel alone in not having any, there are a lot more of us out there who aren’t having sex too. No matter what you decide, stay safe and happy and enjoy everything life has to offer!