Well to begin, I was over the moon excited about the latest Fifty Shades movie. It had been 365 days too long since Fifty Shades Darker, and I was ready for it. The plot left you wanting to know what was next for Ana and Christian, after all they just got engaged, and if you ask me in a ridiculously cute, only happens in fairy tales and movies kind of way (for a guy who “doesn’t do romance”). Basically how I envision my future husband popping the question to me. One can dream right?
Before watching any of the movies I wasn’t for them, but then again, I wasn’t against them either. I was probably too young to truly understand what they were about when Fifty Shades of Grey came out in 2015. I was 15, a sophomore in high school. It took me until one of my best friends asked me to watch it with her almost 2 years later to finally see it. It was a month before Fifty Shades Darker was set to premier. I wasn’t super stoked to watch it at first. I knew very little, basically only that the movie consisted of some risky sex scenes. I wouldn’t say I was prepared for what was in store, but the day had come and we were going to watch it.
So anyways, my friend and I sat on the couch in her TV room and watched it, with her Dad downstairs knowing what we were doing because she, of course, had to ask if she could use their Amazon Prime account to rent the movie. I went into the movie feeling like I had to hate it because BDSM relationships had always been frowned up by people I knew. I was an inexperienced high schooler at the time, who had never had sex and didn’t know what to expect.
I was surprised at the storyline and how Christian told Ana no, but still pursued her. It was all so new and different to me. A few scenes made me squirm, but I feel that is expected of someone that age (17 and clueless). I don’t really remember much from the movie besides telling my friend after it ended, “I hate it. I hate it. Why did we just watch that?” Then the most awkward part had to come, the dreaded walk down stairs, where her dad was working on something in the kitchen, knowing he would ask, “How was the movie?” I stood there swaying from side to side, making as little eye contact as possible, saying, “Uhhhh I don’t know. It wasn’t very good.” I repeat, one of the most awkward experiences of my life still to date. Might I also add that I’m a pretty upfront and honest so for me to feel awkward is saying something.
As I left, I began to question my feelings and thoughts on the movie. I realized it was more than just sex and BDSM, it was about the relationship that Christian and Ana shared. I decided then that I wanted to see the next one because as we all know the story continues, thankfully, even after she leaves.
Full disclosure I am the type of person who loves sappy romance movies. The second movie, Fifty Shades Darker, came out and I was excited to see it. The trailer promised more of exactly what I love in movies: romance. Now, no I have never actually experienced the romantic things in movies, but I hope to one day. Anyways, back to the movie, three of my closest friends and I saw the movie opening night in a room filled with middle-aged women and couples. You could say we felt out of place, but once the movie started none of that mattered. It was Christian and Ana’s almost “normal” relationship that took off. The true romance came out in this film and I absolutely loved every single second of it.
The second one was so different from the first. Their relationship completely changed, but in some ways stayed the same. He still had this dominance over her that I found enticing, but kept this on the down-low because I didn’t want my friends to know that was how I really feeling about the movie. I was curious. I wanted to know more; to ask questions. No, I didn’t want to do the research that Christian asked Ana to do in the first film, but I wanted to know more. I don’t know if I wanted to know the rest of the story or if it was the thrill of their relationship that was so different from anything I had ever seen or heard about.
In high school there are the girls in relationships, having sex, doing who knows what else. And then there are the girls who didn’t really find or like anyone, hang out with their friends and, most likely, haven’t had sex. The second girl is like me, but you probably already guessed that. Well, this takes me back to curiosity. I had to find out the rest of their story. The movie ends with a proposal, but what is next for them? Do they get married? What is up with that guy on the hill? What about their families? Can Christian really give up that life for Ana? Do they have kids? All these questions and more were spinning through my head. I had to find out the answers, and I couldn’t wait 365 days to find out. Well thankfully E.L. James had wrote the trilogy and I could read them. I knew this, but something held me back. I was questioning if one, I really wanted to know, and two, if I really wanted to read something that I would be judged for reading. It took me a few weeks of contemplating, but I decided I did. Why you ask? Well I wanted to delve deeper into a story that peaked my curiosity.
You probably think I have this crazy BDSM fantasy and that is now all I imagine when I think of sex. Let me tell you that is not the case. I still want the good old fashioned “vanilla” as Christian and Ana would call it. But I would be lying if I didn’t say I would like to try some of the things they do in the red room.
After making the decision to read the books, I now had to buy them or get them somehow. I wanted to read them on my phone, so that no one would know what exactly I was reading. People would just assume, “Oh she is reading a book,” and I was happy knowing that there was still an unknown behind it. I also didn’t want to exactly buy them and my parents question why I was reading something so…inappropriate, not age appropriate, and all the other judgement or comments I might have or might not have gotten. One of the first days I was on winter vacation, I decided to look up the book. I obviously had to read them in order. If I was going to read it, I was going it read them all to understand the whole story. I somehow found the first book with a simple google search for free. I distinctly remember sitting on the beach in Turks and Caicos reading it on the lounger next to my mom (Awkward!). I tried my hardest to not think about it. I spent most of that vacation laying out in the sun just reading all the books. I finished each of the books in about a day and a half. After the first one, came the second, and then it was time for the third one. I was excited and ready to see what was next for Christian and Ana’s relationship.*
The third book brought me so much clarity and made the story complete. It was a very hefty book and while the other two were around 300 pages each, this one clocked in at 551 pages! The books were interesting and inviting and while you might expect that you are just going to read porn, it is more than that. It’s the relationship that they have, which is so special, that elevates it to be so much more. Ana is able to help Christian realize that a relationship is more than a contract, it’s love, it’s compassion, it’s more.
The book made me so excited for the third movie. I couldn’t wait until the final movie came out. However, as the year progressed, I forgot about it, but as February grew closer and closer I got excited and worried. I worried for the first time that the movie wouldn’t live up to my expectations. The other two books were 300 pages compiled into a two hour movie, and they are about to do the exact same thing with a 550 page book.
Books and movies are similar, but so different. I am not going to lie, the first time I saw Fifty Shades Freed, I did not like it. It was good, but it didn’t live up to my expectations. I think that is mostly because I read the book before I saw the movie. That was the only one I saw after reading the books. But my friends did agree that this movie went too fast to fit so much into one hour and forty minutes. I wanted it to include everything that was in the book, but that would be too long and unrealistic for a movie. I guess they are right when they say the movie will never live up to the book. The second time I saw the movie I enjoyed it more because I took it for what it was and what they did include from the book.
The billion dollar empire has gone on to amass a great following, although not everyone will take it for what it is and just think it’s a sex filled movie. I think that it has some valuable life lessons that you can take away from Christian and Ana. I have learned that it is okay to explore your options and go against the “norms,” something I haven’t really ever done before. Although I will probably always feel uncomfortable talking about their kind of relationship/sex with people, I see it as something we can all try to judge less. Be you and don’t be afraid to explore what the world has to offer.
*If you haven’t read the books, I would highly recommend it. I really liked the additional information and details that they provided about their relationship. The original trilogy is told from Ana’s perspective. The additional books were the same story told from Christian’s perspective.