I am a very devoted movie lover, but I’m afraid I was quite a bit disappointed in this year’s Oscar nominations. As a collegiette who supports equality in the media, it was upsetting to find that despite impressing offerings from female filmmakers like Katherine Bigelow and screenwriters Rashida Jones and Kay Cannon, all of the Best Director nominees were once again male. And with the exception of one co-writer, all the Best Original and Adapted Screenplay nominees were males. This collegiette suspects all the acting nominations would be male as well if the Academy didn’t specifically give the actresses their own category.
It’s a discouraging trend to be sure, but certainly a call to arms to all the creative girls out there who desperately need to infiltrate the Man Cave that is the Academy of Motion Picture Sciences. Until that time that we may have proper representation in the unisex categories, it is my honor to present my very own Oscar nominees. The categories may be unconventional, but I think Hollywood could use a little shaking up.
Best Picture That I Probably Will Only Pretend to See Before Oscar Night
Amour
Beasts of the Southern Wild
The Impossible
The Master
Lincoln
Movies That Can Now Say They Are Academy Award Nominated
Ted (Best Original Song)
The Pirates! Band of Misfits (Best Animated Feature)
Mirror Mirror (Best Costume Design)
The Avengers (Best Visual Effects)
Hitchcock (Best Makeup and Hairstyling)
Best Picture That Will Most Definitely Leave Your Soul Weeping and Broken
Les Miserables
Amour
The Impossible
Beasts of the Southern Wild
Life of Pi
People Who Should Have Oscars For Something And Don’t
Leonardo DiCaprio
Anna Kendrick
Michael Fassbender
Emily Blunt
Joss Whedon
That Sound Category You Fast-Forwarded Through
Wrath of the Titans
John Carter
Playing for Keeps
Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance
Think Like a Man
Django Unchained: Great Movie, Never Gonna Win
Best Picture Nominated For Best Picture That We Know Won’t Win
Django Unchained
Silver Linings Playbook
Life of Pi
Beasts of the Southern Wild
Les Miserables
Best Picture That Won’t Be Nominated Because I Enjoyed Myself While Watching It
Pitch Perfect
21 Jump Street
The Avengers
The Cabin in the Woods
Skyfall
Joaquin Phoenix: Too Cool for School
Nominated Actors Most Likely To Give Interesting Acceptance Speeches
Joaquin Phoenix, The Master
Jennifer Lawrence, Silver Linings Playbook
Tommy Lee Jones, Lincoln
Sally “You Like Me, You Really Like Me” Fields, Lincoln
Christoph Waltz, Django Unchained
That Other Sound Category You Fast-Forwarded Through
Dark Shadows
Battleship
Piranha 3DD
Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Witness Protection Program
Katy Perry: Part of Me
People Attending the Ceremony Who’ll Be Doing Passive-Aggressive Jealousy Clapping
Ben Affleck
Katherine Bigelow
Leonardo DiCaprio
Taylor Swift
Russell Crowe
Taylor Swift Cries on Her Guitar