Step one foot on a college campus and you’re bound to hear someone talking about his or her significant other. As a girl who’s struggled with crushes and relationships, this is something that I struggle to process sometimes. However, I am also a feminist. I know a woman doesn’t need a romantic relationship to survive or self-validate. Being single makes me no less of a person than someone else. But I’m bothered because I lack the connection and understanding of another person.
This is something I have struggled with since middle school—yes, I did say middle school—and it’s only just now that I’m starting to feel better about it. And if you’re feeling the same way, then guess what: you can feel better too. Here are four reasons it is completely OK to be single.
1. You have more time to yourself.
Let’s face it: even if you yearn for connection and love, you have to give up a ton of your time when you’re in a relationship. If you’re single, however, you can spend your weekends by yourself chilling in your pajamas watching Netflix if you want to. You can shop as much as you want without having to drag around your unenthusiastic SO. You can go to as many parties as you like, homework permitting. You don’t have to make compromises on what you’d like for dinner or which museum you’d like to visit. There is no shame with going places, seeing movies and exploring by yourself, and there’s nothing wrong with not having plans for every weekend. Being spontaneous and making things up as you go is all part of the fun. The sky’s the limit.
Exploring Boston solo. It was empowering, fun and so interesting. I highly recommend it.
2. You can focus on self improvement.
Even though there are many confident girls in relationships, half of their energy is spent on caring for that other person. As a single woman, you can focus on all of your goals and work towards making them happen. Going back to my first point, you can manage your free time how you want. And since you have this time, why not spend it on something you want to improve, or maybe something new you yearn to try? How about those ballet lessons you’ve been contemplating? Take them! Want to build up confidence? Read books? Try new things! There is so much to do, and it’s all waiting for you, you strong, independent woman. In fact, being single builds up confidence because it teaches you to happily stand alone, which is empowering in and of itself. You go, girl.
Oh, the Public Garden. It is a beautiful place, and though many couples spend time together here, it is lovely to enjoy alone or with other single friends.
3. You can relate to and connect with other single girls.
Alright, personal experience time. I recently met a very nice girl who shares several interests with me. However, she has a boyfriend, and she chooses to spend most of her free time with him. For this reason, we never go shopping together, get coffee or do anything that we both like. But hanging out with another single girl, we will relate more easily to each other and have more to talk about. We can go all over the city and shop until we can’t look at another Forever 21 bag again—and guess what? You can too.
4. You can lean on your friends.
Surely you have friends who are single, and some may be happy about it, but others not so much. With the girls and guys who are not so happy about it, you can bond with them over their longing or find a way to perk them up. With the girls and guys who are happy about it, you too can embrace that you’re single, and if you’re still not at that point, your friends are always there for help. If you don’t feel like telling anyone, you can also keep a journal. Writing, even if it’s not your strong suit, provides an outlet for your thoughts and allows you to express your feelings privately. Whether you talk or write, the element of expression is important and valuable; make sure to fit it into your busy schedule.
Even when you’re over in the Garden or the Common and you see a young couple passionately in love, don’t feel down. You are unstoppable. You are strong. You are single, and it looks good on you, girl.