It’s not realistic to expect to be best friends with your roommate. With your other friends, you can leave when you get annoyed, shut the door when you need some me-time, and recharge between nights out at your own pace. But your roommate is always present. Whether she comes home at 3 a.m. on a regular basis or always leaves her shower caddy on your side of the room, you two are going to butt heads at one point or another in your relationship. Even if you’re just coexisting, working out your problems gently and tactfully is important. Here are some tips for working things out diplomatically with your roommate.
Talk things out
The most important aspect of any relationship is communication, and the relationship with your roommate is no different. If you don’t create a dialogue, you won’t make any progress in resolving whatever issues the two of you are having. The first step in resolving any conflict with your roommate is sitting them down and explaining your feelings on the situation. In this case, it is best to use “I” statements, like, “I feel disrespected when you constantly ask me to leave the room when your boyfriend comes over,” as opposed to “You shouldn’t be kicking me out of the room, it’s not just your space.” This way, you’re putting the issue on you, and it won’t feel like you’re attacking her or yelling at her. The best time to do this is when neither of you is rushing off to class nor worrying about a big paper due the next day. Pick a calm time to discuss the issue, perhaps in the dead time after lunch and before the afternoon, and open with something casual, like, “Hey, I wanted to talk to you about something.”
Use an intermediary
If you’re still not getting through to your roommate or she simply refuses to talk to you one on one, ask your RA to sit down with the two of you and work out your issues. Part of their job is making sure that their residents can live together peacefully, and they will be more than willing to help resolve an issue. It might be that there is some miscommunication on what the issue is between you and your roommate, and your RA can help interpret your desires in a way that your roommate will understand. You might be able to resolve the issue just by telling your RA both of your perspectives on the issue and having them clarify any miscommunication. If that doesn’t work, you can enter a roommate contract, which both roommates sign in an effort to be held accountable for coexisting peacefully. This sets written boundaries that both roommates must adhere to in order to establish a more cordial living situation. While it may seem a bit extreme, sometimes all the situation needs is some firmer boundaries for everyone to recognize.
Find a new roommate
If you and your roommate just can’t come to a consensus and live together happily, it may be that you and your roommate would be happier living apart. In this case, you have two options: you and your roommate can both vacate the room so there are no hard feelings about who gets to keep it, or you can both agree to live with other people and work out who moves where. The most difficult part is bringing up the idea of moving out, but once it’s out, it’ll be a relief to move in with someone who doesn’t make you dread going back to your room each night. Unfortunately there’s no beating around the bush with this, and you’ll have to rip it off like a band-aid and address the issue head on.
While each rooming situation might not be ideal, there’s no reason that you can’t make it better with conversation or more permanent solutions. Remember, it’s your happiness and your space, and if you aren’t pleased with your current situation, no one is forcing you to stay like that.