I preface this article by saying I really didn’t want to write this article. I had hoped that by the time my time to write arrived, Yik Yak would have faded into irrelevance faster than Friendsy or Robin Thicke. But it appears that Yik Yak is here to stay. So, with a groan, I present to you Yaking While Female: All the Tips You Need to Survive.
Tip 1: Go to all of the frat parties you can.
This is your duty as a Yakker (Yakian?). It is your responsibility to provide high-quality commentary on the merits and issues of each frat so that no naïve little first years get tied up with an “awkward” frat. With quality commentaries about who uses dial up and holds hands when they cross the street, you are providing a public service for these innocent younglings. Plus, frat parties + bad decisions = Yakarma gold!
Tip 2: Not funny? No problem!
You can always get some ideas off of Reddit or Twitter or Tumblr. And by “get some ideas,” I mean blatantly plagiarize. After all, seeing the same post over and over just makes it funnier every time, almost like a inside joke for all of Yik Yak, am I right?
Tip 3: Do NOT reference bodily functions. Ever.
You might be thinking that this is a double standard. Guys are allowed to talk all about their excretions, but if you yak about your super-duper top secret monthly suppuration, all hell will break on the Yak. But not yaking about your bodily functions shouldn’t be a problem for you, given the empirically-proven fact that girls don’t poop. And there is one exception to this rule: sexy bodily functions. Yak about those. Yak about those a lot. The only thing more common than people stressing over their chem exam or trying to make Yik Yak the new CollegiateACB is desperate males who will upvote anything remotely related to females who might have some interest in them, so it’s a quick way to boost your Yakarma.
Good luck and happy yakking!
(P.S. to all the midterm warriors out there, good luck and come weekend time…)