Last week, I ran out of food points when buying a coffee at The Perk. The irony of spending my last cent of fake money on the worst coffee on Duke’s entire campus was not lost on me. I don’t even want to talk about it, so I am going to move on. I am now going to shift my attention towards a different matter, or group of people, people who still have food points, and write an open letter to freshmen who still have food points.
Dear freshmen with food points,
The first thought that comes to my mind regarding this matter is a single word: HOW? I don’t really have a second thought as much as a string of questions, so please, bear with me for a moment. How do you make it back to East every day to use equivalency? How do you avoid the temptation of merchants on points? Do you never drink coffee? Do you just not eat lunch? Have you ever tried the Loop, Krafthouse, or Nasher brunch? Have you ever eaten anywhere that isn’t Marketplace? Do you have a sugar daddy of food points?
In all seriousness though, I applaud those of you who have the wisdom, and self-control to spread out their food points to last the entire semester. You all are my idols, and I am extraordinarily impressed because I know upperclassmen, with full meal plans, who have fewer food points than some of you. I am also incredibly jealous because I imagine that being able to purchase food at any time during the year is very convenient (not that I would know). I do, however, want to remind you that those food points completely disappear when the semester ends in May. So for those select few hoarders who somehow still have triple digits, I beg you to take a very hungry, very sad friend under your wing. Buy them lunch, or coffee, or even an apple and know that you’ve done an actual public service. Or if you’re completely rolling in fake money, invite that cute guy in your writing class who sits across from you and worked with you on that one group assignment to WaDuke. Or if you’re feeling incredibly generous, you can buy me, a person that you don’t even know food, or even coffee. Coffee is also very much an acceptable donation (I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I pretty much live off coffee).
Whether you’re planning a meal at WaDuke, or perfecting the art of Marketplace Tupperwaring, just remember, your meal plan does get better. There is hope for all of us.