I remember what it felt like. To come to this school and think, “I’m not good enough.” I’m not smart enough, or pretty enough, or small enough, or fit enough, or involved enough, or rich enough, or experienced enough.
But I want you to know something. You deserve a hell of a lot more than simple labels like “smart,” “pretty,” and “skinny.” You not only deserve more, but you also ARE more. Don’t let anyone tell you any differently.
Freshman year is confusing. I never felt like I quite “got it,” or even understood what “it” was. Everyone else seemed to have “it” figured out, and it looked so easy!
You may not feel satisfied with your college experience so far. You may not always have a friend to go to dinner with. Or maybe you didn’t ace that test you studied so hard for. You may not have found a professor you connect with or an upperclassman to look up to. Maybe you have no idea what classes you want to take, let alone what you want to major in. Perhaps, you still can’t figure out how to navigate the social scene at Duke (trust me, I’m right there with you) and you’re not sure how to effectively balance academics and extracurriculars, while also finding time to relax and make time for yourself. (If you ever figure it out, please let me know).
It’s okay to not be satisfied. In fact, I challenge you to never be 100% satisfied while you are here at Duke. This doesn’t mean you can’t be happy, this just means that you have immeasurable potential; the people that encouraged you to apply to Duke know that, your Admissions officer recognized it, professors have seen it, and, for whatever it’s worth, I see it too.
You will have your own college experience, unique to you and only you. To be honest, it’ll be really tough at times and you’ll feel like you just want to give up. Other times you’ll feel like you are on top of the world and nothing could ever bring you down- a place like Duke and the awesome people surrounding you daily can do that to you. Both of these feelings are great, both are normal.
I’m writing to tell you that no one is effortlessly perfect. No one. Your voices are powerful on campus and they deserve to be heard. At times, you may look around you and feel pressured to fit some cookie cutter mold of a “Duke woman.” Please, don’t feel like you have to fit a certain mold. That you have to eat certain foods at the Marketplace or you have to work out every day. That you have to wear make-up to your 8:30am class and dress up to go to the library. That you have to join every club or organization on campus to build your resume, or lie about how busy you are so you can fit in with everyone else who is “stressed”. That you have to have a 5-year plan or a perfect 4.0 GPA. That you have to adhere to every aspect of Duke’s social life and accept things that make you uncomfortable. Because you don’t.
I sure as hell didn’t know it all my freshman year and I still don’t know it all- I never will. I’m not exempt from these struggles or insecurities even now as a sophomore. However, it wasn’t too long ago that I was in your shoes, doubting whether I deserved to be at this university. And, even though deep down I knew my doubts weren’t true, I think I would have liked to hear it out loud (or in this case, in a letter) from a Duke woman a lot sooner than I did.
I wanted to let you know that I’ve seen you. I may not know you by name, but I’ve seen you around campus. I’ve seen you in the library, at the loop, and on the plaza. You make insightful and intelligent comments in class and I’m really impressed. You are leaders, I can already tell.
An upperclassman passed down this advice to me, and I want to pass it down to you:
Don’t let the game change you, change the game.
Ps: I’m always up for lunch!
seh34@duke.edu
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