Tinder: where would we be without it? Finding love and companionship through face-to-face conversations and actual, real-life dates? Not anymore! We’re here in the largest technological era we as a generation have ever seen! So, I suppose in a sense, this is how many of us are now encouraged to get that dating stuff done. But from the perspective of a girl who’s had her very first date via Tinder, I can personally advocate for a return to the good old days, where sex wasn’t implied, you look like what you actually look like, and you maybe, just maybe, get that chance at true love. Here’s my story.
So, I’m sitting there, six months post relationship. I’m feeling bored, lonely and more than a little in need (if you catch my drift) so I re-download Tinder for the third time. I’d dabbled with the app before, and simply by being a girl I managed to get a match with every dude I swiped right to. The downfall in my luck last time was that I was too excited and made the rookie mistake of starting too many conversations with too many different guys at once. I was soon overwhelmed with the aggressive come-on’s and lame introductions that I quickly gave up. This time however I was selective, or what I thought was selective.
My third match, lets call him J, seemed to be just right. His pictures were of him on his old sports team, (score: he’s was at some point in the not-so-distant past athletic, and most likely still reasonably fit) with his dog, (adorable, I love dogs), and with his family, (double adorable: a good relationship with his family- could it get any better?). Well yes, yes it could.
Based upon the above information, and the fact that he had a successful artistic career and a few years on me, meant that we would have lots to talk about, he’d be mature and we’d get along great.
Fast forward through a few days of texting and more than a little sexual flirtation— side note: be very sure you like said person first and you know that you will be romantically compatible before pulling out the big guns in the suggestive GIF department. Or better yet, have that date first. It’ll help you avoid unwanted embarrassment later.
But anyway- after some pent up flirting on my side, and what I gathered as unexpectedly excited responses on his, we agreed to meet up. Long story short, he was late coming from another party and this gave me the added advantage of being there when he walked in, in case of a quick escape. (That’s totally not me, but it’s always helpful to know where the exits are). So I’m searching, looking around and I spot J. My heart sinks and I literally start muttering, “shit, shit, shit” to myself. I begrudgingly get up, briefly contemplate fleeing, then walk up to meet him.
Not only is Tinder Man not as tall (or taller) than me as the photos indicated, he was shorter. He looked haggard and old and a bit like he’d just woken up from a hangover. While I had dressed for the occasion, he seemed to just have rolled out of bed and with a sad sigh I realized that this might just be the beginning of a slew of unfortunate dates I was forced to go on before I met someone I really liked.
He seemed excited to see me and after somewhat awkward “hello’s” we walked over to the bar to order our drinks. He was shy in the way that impeded conversation, but he did buy me my drink, so I said thank you and we found ourselves a seat.
For a moment the conversation turned back into the playful banter we’d had over text, and I thought for a split second that maybe there’s something there despite this less than stellar appearance- after all, looks aren’t everything.
That was until he interrupted me, repeatedly. His eyes would keep darting away, as if I was not the whole reason he’d come on this date, and he quickly seemed interested in only talking about himself. I quickly learned that he’d never traveled outside of the continental US- something I appreciate and try to do whenever possible- and he had no real intentions to do so in the near future. He hates museums, despite his art-based career and he seemed stuck in his ways with no chance of change.
I’ll admit I stayed longer than I should have. I was trying to be nice, and you could clearly see that he was hopeful for a second date. The waiter came round to grab our glasses and commented on the rush. I hate to say it- but the waiter was more my type and I wondered what would have happened if I asked for his number on the way out.
As we waited for my Uber outside and I saw it approach, we hugged and I thanked him for the drink. As I came out of the embrace I could see him slow down, as if he wanted to lean in and get a kiss. I cynically laughed to myself- mostly because of the simple fact that I was no where near wanting to do that, but also because the way we met implied that that would happen.
Big surprise, there was no second date. But I learned my lesson. You get what you ask for: I’m sure Tinder works for some people, and maybe people can go and casually have sex with someone even if they don’t look like their pictures, but for me I guess I really wanted something a little more meaningful. After all, it wasn’t J’s fault that I had such high expectations of him and that I was subsequently let down when he didn’t live up to the fantasy. Be sure you know what you want when you try out all those apps, and that at the very least, make sure you know you’ll be compatible.
As for me? I don’t think I’ve sworn off dating apps forever, but I’ve gotta give real-life dating another chance. Wish me luck!