I can’t pin point exactly where it started or, rather, where it ended. One day, you were my go to, my undoubted number one. I thought I was yours too; but we change, we move on, and the new normal seeps in.
At first it’s like a cold shower. The water shocks your system, and it hurts. You weren’t expecting the coldness or the ice. Soon, however, it finds its way into your bones, the cold now a dull numbness. I never wanted this for us. I truly didn’t. The thing is… you think you know a person and you think that there isn’t anything in this world that they could do to break your heart until they do.
It takes a lot for me to want to leave, and when it came to you, it was something I never thought could happen. It was more than blind-sided, I was sucker punched. The reality is that before we got here, we weren’t great. While I accepted our friendship had changed, I didn’t think you were capable of betraying my confidence and I trusted you more than anyone. Like I said, you were my number one.
I’m not saying we can’t ever get this friendship back on-track again. I miss you every day, but I can’t pretend this didn’t happen and I can’t keep pretending that us not being close anymore doesn’t hurt. If there is anything I’ve learned, it’s that when you miss someone you make it a priority to reach out and in this relationship I was the only one calling.
I can’t keep dialing. But, if one day, you realize I’m missing, I’ll pick up the phone.
I don’t expect you to, but I’m hopeful.
Images: 1