Yes, people, it’s finals week. And as I sit here at 4 a.m. Tuesday morning—the sequel to really friggin’ late on a Monday evening, I can’t help but feel a kindred connection with all you poor suffering bastards out there. Now as a night owl, normally staying up into the wee hours of the morning isn’t a difficult task to undertake. But when the staying up doesn’t involve Buffy reruns or Buzzfeed quizzes, and instead involves me, a textbook that’s barely comprehensible, and a crippling fear that I’m about to fail all of my classes, staying up suddenly becomes harder to do. But dammit, night after damned Davidson night, I seem to pull it off. So, my friends, I am here to offer you some valuable insight into how to pull off an all-nighter and live to see another North Carolina sunrise.
1. Resign yourself to your inevitable fate.
So you F’d up somewhere along the line and now you’re stuck having to cram all your mental faculties into a ten-page paper about Romanian bee keeping or whatever it is that they teach you in biology. The first step to fighting the all-nighter is mental fortitude. Get pumped by listening to some Katy Perry *cough, I mean hardcore death metal* and shove it in your head that there is no escaping your inevitable destiny of producing some mediocre pile of waste at the end of the next 5-8 hours.
2. Read/watch something horror(ific).
Before you begin your midnight, coffee-induced sprint to the finals finish line, buff up on some truly sad or morally horrifying current events. Nothing keeps you awake like wondering about whether or not humanity is inherently good or evil. Now if that’s too much for you, maybe try watching a little bit of a horror movie/read some scary stories. I weirdly recommend reading some Japanese horror stories—they tend to, for whatever reason, give me the most heebie jeebies, and they’ll certainly keep you from wanting to get some shut-eye.
3. Don’t light your blood on fire with excessive caffeine.
I know all of you like to compete to see who can seem the busiest in relation to how many cups of coffee you need. But kids, after the first two cups of coffee, only two things will happen—a) your blood will feel like it’s trying to escape your body and b) you’ll have to go to the bathroom really badly. Yeah, coffee makes people poop, and I doubt you want to have to make a “deposit” suddenly while situated in the library. A cold glass of water, sitting in a well-lit room and sitting up while studying are the most effective ways to stay up. They won’t leave your teeth stained, your eyes bloodshot, or your sanity demolished.
4. Isolation.
I know us Davidson students all like to congregate on the first floor of the library to talk about our work more than we actually do our work, but you cannot fall victim to this herd mentality. Isolate yourself from distraction. Places like Union, your hall’s lounge, your didgeridoo-playing friend’s apartment are all not good places to be for an all-nighter. Give the basement a try—apparently, it isn’t only for furtive make-out sessions and hiding dead bodies. Who knew. Also, an empty Chambers classroom, if you can find one, is very useful. Though frankly being in the Chambers building just freaks me out, and so I like to distance myself from the place of my unending torment. (Btw, isolation also means isolate yourself from your phone and all other forms of social media. Hand it to someone you trust not to sext your grammy as a joke.)
5. Sacrifice a small goat to Zeus.
6. Just do it.
Don’t waste time calculating how much you can’t fail your physics final to still pass the class. Don’t rough estimate your GPA (you’ll always be wrong), and don’t start looking up the GPA requirements for entering into law school. Worrying needlessly instead of doing the work you’re worried about not doing is just a convoluted form of procrastination. Try your hardest to think on the assignments ahead of you instead of on the big picture.
7. Chill out and don’t give up.
You’ll get the work done because you have to. So don’t spend time worrying. Just take a deep breath, and trust that you’re at Davidson for a reason. You’re smart enough to be here. You worked hard to be here. Trust in this finals process and you’ll make it to the other side.
If you are interested in writing an article for Her Campus Davidson, contact us at davidson@hercampus.com or come to our weekly meeting Monday at 8pm in the Chambers 1003.