Aquarius: Jan. 20 – Feb. 18
B-A-S. K-E-T. What’s that spell? Basket! Though you are by no means an expert on sports, Pluto decrees it’s time for you to hit the courts. Join an intramural, attend a game, try your hand at beer pong. Who knows? You just might be the Wildcats’ lucky charm this month.
Pisces: Feb. 19 – March 20
Child of the water, don’t let the haters get you down. In the wise words of an enlightened woman: shake it off. But really, sometimes people pick on you or just downright get on your nerves and there’s nothing you can do but know you’re better than them. Besides, Neptune predicts that sweet, sweet social karma is coming their way. It’s your turn to sit back, munch on some popcorn, and watch the show.
Aries: March 21 – April 19
You’ve been pretty concerned with your health as of late. While a bit of body-consciousness is beneficial, to put it simply—girl, you need to chill. With Mars in the 3rd sector of the Milky Way, February has all kinds of good news in store for you, including any test results you’ve been waiting for. With that knowledge, move on, focus on your killer love life, and at the most just hit the gym. You’re young, wild, and free, girl. Save the bad hip for your 60s.
Taurus: April 20 – May 20
Boy, this month’s weather sure has been putting the North in North Carolina, hasn’t it? You’re freezing, you’re frigid, and you’re not the only one. Not to worry though, the polar vortex coming from a galaxy far far away is finally coming to an end, and all the groundhogs in the world saw their shadows. Shed that sweater and let the island life begin!
Gemini: May 21 — June 20
Though you love him/her plenty, BAE has been driving you a bit cray as of late. So much so that you’ve been rethinking some important life decisions. Stop, halt, hold up. You’re getting way ahead of yourself. Everyone has bad days–even bad weeks. But statistically, that means the good days are just around the corner. And astrology confirms the math: Venus’s tilted alignment brings a month full of romance, fun, and friendship right your way.
Cancer: June 21 – July 22
L… is for the way you’re lonely, O… just know you’re not the only one, V… is Venus bringing a BAE to make your heart start singing, E… is every week oh, you will have a DFMO! Long story short and excellent poetry aside: Get ready, girl! Your Single’s Awareness Day just turned into a big fat Be My Valentine!
Leo: July 23 – Aug. 22
Winter break was just a few short weeks ago, but it feels like it belongs in a history book. Davidson is already bogging you down with its excessive work, unpredictable water pressure, and loud women chanting at 6 AM in the morning. Not to worry: Saturn and all of its rings are bringing you a speedy February, topped off with a Spring Break that will bring you the relaxation you need and some killer shots that will make you the Queen of Snapchat.
Virgo: Aug. 23 – Sept. 22
Let’s face the facts here: January freaking sucked. It sure was a downer. It was the pits. And with the attitude you’ve got now, February isn’t going to be much different. But it doesn’t have to be like that! Talk to your friends, listen to some kickin’ tunes, and get out on the dance floor. All the shooting stars in the Upper East Side of the Milky Way are combining their powers to bring you an awesome February AND March. Because frankly, you deserve it.
Libra: Sept. 23 – Oct. 22
For this Libra, it’s been all work and no play as of late. Orion’s Belt says it’s time to let loose! You’re all caught up on work, and it’s not catching up with you again any time soon. So what are you waiting for? Shut your textbook and catch the next train to F. Even Davidson students deserve a break every once in a while.
Scorpio: Oct. 23 – Nov. 21
Self Selection, a week filled with many blessings and a few (morning after) curses, has finally ended. Now how about giving your body a rest for a bit? Though being newly involved in a Patterson Court organization may make you feel like like you need to Turn Up on a Tuesday, try something new and take a nap! After a few days of rest, Uranus will be directly in line with Davidson, NC, and you’ll be ready to Get Freaky on a Friday – the way it should be.
Sagittarius: Nov. 22 – Dec. 21
After what seemed like a lifetime, transportation is no longer such a problem for you! Mercury, the planet of travel, has decreed it: You are going places, and fast. Whatever it is that made your life so much easier–be it a new bike, a pair of sick kicks, or perhaps your sister’s old car–be careful with it. As tempting as it may be to travel like a hot rod, safety and caution is key. Don’t squander your new toy on a joyride!
Capricorn: Dec. 22 – Jan. 19
As always, you’ve been having an excellent time and approaching life with a killer attitude. The Star of Andromeda predicts that this upwards trend isn’t going to stop any time soon. In other words, my dear, you are on an elevator that only goes up! But a really plushy one, with velvet seats and calming music and free mints in the corner. Keep doing your thang and the world will reward you!