6 Stages of the Back-to-School Plague

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It's a new semester. New classes, a new schedule, new responsibilities, and also five new diseases trying to make a home in your immune system. Unfortunately, anywhere you go is also someone else's breathing space, so it's really easy to catch a good case of YUCK. The flu is rampant this year, and for a new semester, it couldn't come at a worse time (except maybe finals week... RIP). Here are the phases of illness as told by your favorite tv shows:


1. Nah I'll be fine

You haven't been sick in so long, right? And none of your friends are sick so you're in the clear, right? Wrong. Germs can be found everywhere. Guess what? There was probably a kid in the class before you coughing like crazy. Touch that desk and touch your mouth, you'll be down for the count in no time. Carry hand sanitizer. 

2. And Now It Begins...

Oh no no no. It happened. So you wake up and BAM! everything hurts, and the first thing you think about is going back to sleep (or running to the toilet). 

3. Should I Stay or Should I Go?

The next thing you're probably thinking about is "do I go to class or not?" The answer is NO. Absolutely not. Go to the clinic first, see if you're contagious. If not, by all means go to class. If they say you're positive for flu or strep, STAY IN BED. Don't risk infecting your entire class, every class. Email your professors, text your classmates, and everything will be fine. 

4. Actually Dying

Now that you're sick, it's time to wait it out. So grab your soup (or order a pizza like I do) and find a Netflix show to binge watch. You're going to be here a while. See if someone will even be nice enough to run to the store and pick you up Gatorade and NyQuil.

5. Staying Away From People

No, Monica, we don't. And for good reason. As great as it would be to have someone to be sick and miserable with, don't let your roommates or significant other get exposed to your deadly disease (unless they volunteer as tribute). Disinfect anything and everything you touch that your roommates may use, too. 

6. Sleep 

The best thing you can do for yourself now is rest. So sleep as much as you can. You'll need that sleep to compensate for the lack of sleep you'll have for the rest of the semester.

"My relationship with my body has changed. I used to consider it as a servant who should obey, function, give pleasure. In sickness, you realize that you are not the boss. It is the other way around." -Federico Fellini