Losing a friend is like going through a breakup, only worse. You expect friends to be with you forever, unconditionally. You expect romantic relationships to end in the cliche that is life as a young adult. You never expect to lose a friend. There are eight signs of a declining friendship; you can either try and address the issue, ignore it altogether, or end the friendship. Losing a friend doesn’t mean you have to stop talking to them or even liking them. People come and go, and that’s okay too. Here are six signs to look out for if you think your friendship might be in jeopardy.
1. They spread rumors about you or go behind your back.
Behavior that undermines you or does something to hurt you is cruel at worst. At best, selfish. A friend doesn’t do that.
2. You become a different person when you’re with them.
You change your entire demeanor when you hang out with them. You don’t feel like yourself.
3. You stop enjoying hanging out with them.
Hanging out with them becomes something to check off of a checklist rather than something exciting to look forward to. You feel drained and unhappy rather than excited.
4. They say mean things to you, as a “joke” or “as a friend.”
Criticism can be constructive. Sometimes, bullying is presented in the framework of criticism. Your friend can insult you and cover it up with a joke, or a classic, “I’m telling you this as a friend.” There are ways to tell someone to adjust their behavior or change without being mean about it.
5. Your values don’t align.
Your values may have never aligned, or you both have changed over the course of your friendship. You might have a hard time supporting each other’s actions because you just don’t believe in the same things. It’s hard to be a good friend if you can’t authentically support what they do and vice versa.
6. You drift apart naturally.
Sometimes, it’s not something traumatic or backstabbing that happens. You and your friend don’t run in the same circles, and you are both two very busy people. It’s hard to make plans, and neither of you seem to be able to meet up. It happens.