After my last two senior sendoffs about putting your health over your schoolwork and changing majors I thought it was time to shift topics. I want to talk about what helped me survive these past four years: my amazing friends. Through the all-nighters, the laughter, the heartbreak, the drama and the occasional parties, these friends have been there for me.
While at college you’ll make all kinds of friends. And while they may not all belong to the same group, the most important thing is finding a core group of people you can really talk to.
While you’re on the search for you’re besties, you’ll find a variety of friends with different personalities and motives. While you’ll definitely want to add some of these friends to your circle, there are a few other types of people you’d be better off keeping as acquaintances. I’ve encountered each one of these at my time at Carnegie Mellon and, while they can be fun to hang out with, my friendship with them has never gone past a superficial level.
Here is a glimpse of the people I encountered on my way to true friendship:
The Gossiper
Her name is self-explanatory. I used to spend hours hanging out with this girl. I loved going to her to hear the latest about who’s hooking up with who, how *insert name here* gained more than just the freshmen 15. Yes, it was fun to hear the latest dirt and be in “know.” And I admit that I have participated in sharing some of the juicy gossip. Soon enough though, I realized that while my friend was telling me all the dirty deets about someone else, she was going around publicizing my life to others, too.
I had to learn this lesson the hard way. During my early years at CMU I turned to the gossiper for advice about a boy I had hooked up with. I soon found out she had told the boy everything I had told her. I was mortified!! Let’s just say I avoided talking to that guy for a couple of weeks. When one of your friends starts to gossip, join in all you like, but never tell her anything personal about yourself—that is, unless you want the whole campus (well for the most part) to know that embarrassing secret.
The Going Out Friend
This was the most reliable friend I had—the most reliable partier, that is. In fact, partying is pretty much all she did. She didn’t care much about school and, in times of heartbreak, stress, or boredom, her solution was to drink…a lot. I always had a blast when I went out with her, but when it came to meaningful conversations or heart to hearts, this girl fell short.
Disclaimer: This isn’t always the case. Some of my best friends are the “going out friend” and I can talk to them about anything. I have, however, encountered some girls who will never be more than strictly going out friends. Like the girl I mentioned above, if I come to these friends with anything serious they listen, bored, and expect me to brush my problem off by taking a tequila shot with them.
Party girls can be fun, but if you need to talk to someone I would advise not going to The Going out Friend: she just wants to have fun and talk about how ridiculously drunk she was last night.
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The Frenemy
Out of the three types of friends to avoid, The Frenemy may be the worst. The Frenemy and I ate together, had classes together and talked about everything. We were both super involved, accomplished and had quite a few mutual interests. But something seemed off. One minute she was telling me how cute I looked in my Facebook profile picture and the next she was making a snarky compliment about something great my sorority did.
Now I can’t say I was totally innocent of doing the same, but for those of my readers who know me, they know I really can’t be mean to people (it’s a problem). What started as supporting each other’s accomplishments turned into constantly trying to one-up each other. When I needed some cheering up, The Frenemy would be there for me. I know now, however, that she used these moments to find my weaknesses then use them against me at a later time. Let’s just say The Frenemy and I parted ways—unfortunately there’s still tension today.
Sure, it’s upsetting to think that we use to be such good friends and now all we do is shoot each other a fake smile every so often. But then again, how good of friends were we, truly? Of course, we could continue to go to lunch, take best friend pictures and hang out together at parties, but do I really want a friend who doesn’t support my achievements and tries to tear me down every chance she has? Noooo thank you.
To come across a true friend is an amazing thing. When you meet someone, go into the conversation with an open mind. Just because someone seems strange or you’re both seniors doesn’t mean that there is no possibility of becoming close friends with this person. Take it from one of my experiences. I met someone new towards the end of my junior year. I didn’t think we were going to be great friends. She was loud, friends with everyone and a total bro. However, she always was interested in what I had to say, was there to offer advice and came to me for help. She is now one of my close friends at Carnegie Mellon.
If there’s anything you take out of this article, I hope that it’s finding a solid group of friends to help get your through these 4 years is of the utmost importance. My friends are the ones that send me encouraging text messages almost every hour when they know I’m having a rough day, the ones who get me to break out into a dance party to relieve stress, the ones who do not judge you for my behavior at a formal but will be there to laugh at how ridiculous we all were. In college you are looking for those people that allow you to be yourself. I guess I could say I’m pretty lucky: I have found a couple of girls and guys who I can truly call my close friends.
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