6. Roz, Monster’s Inc.
Roz is probably best known for her iconic quote, “I’ll be watching you. Always watching you.” While that is incredibly fun to say, there is more to her character than that. She holds the keys to all the children’s closet doors at Monsters, Inc. She’s incredibly insistent on receiving the right paperwork. She is straight up willing to crush your hands with a retractable shutter if you annoy her. She absolutely rocks a pair of horn-rimmed glasses. And, at the end of the movie, it’s revealed that she is Agent #001 of the CDA and was working undercover for two years to expose Waternoose as corrupt. That’s right, she’s the head of an organization that routinely breaks through rooftop windows like some kind of monster swat team. How did she get involved with the CDA? How exactly does the CDA work? Does she actually care about the paperwork, or was she being hard on Mike Wazowski to bring sadistic joy to the endless drudgery of her undercover assignment? These are all questions that could be answered in a Roz movie.
5. Gazerbeam, The Incredibles
If you don’t remember who Gazerbeam is, that’s fine; he was dead for the majority of the movie and we only catch glimpses of the life he lived. Nonetheless, those glimpses are awesome. He was a superhero with the power to shoot lasers out of his eyes. He was a guest at Mr. Incredible and Elastigirl’s wedding, and while everyone else showed up as their civilian alter ego, he was straight up chilling in his superhero spandex in the front row. After superheroes were banned, he decided that he wasn’t done being a badass, so he became a lawyer fighting for superhero rights.
He eventually died on Syndrome’s island, but not before carving the secret password into the cave with his eye lasers. That raises so many questions! How did he know the password? How long did he spend evading Syndrome’s forces and trying to take him down? His bones are intact and hidden in the back of a cave; if he wasn’t crushed by the robot, then how did he die? Everything about this guy’s life is fascinating, and it’s tragic that his main role in the movie is being a pile of bones Mr. Incredible can hide behind.
4. Franny, Meet the Robinsons
Meet the Robinsons is a heartwarming, hilarious movie about family, moving forward, and the dangers of sentient bowler hats. While the entire Robinson family is full of wacky characters, the one that stood out to me most is Franny. She teaches frogs to sing and play jazz music, which is exactly as incredible as it sounds. When she sees a strange child in her house, she immediately invites him to play maracas for her frog band. She’s also proficient in martial arts and gets into a high-intensity food fight with her brother every night. She’s equally ready to fight a Tyrannosaurus Rex and adopt a child who has no home. I don’t know whether I want to be her or if I want her to be my mom.
Spoiler Alert for a 10-year-old movie: Even as a child she’s cool. She has the confidence to grab a random kid by the ear and demand he help her pick up her frogs, and she later threatens Lewis with karate for no particular reason. I don’t know about you, but I would definitely watch a movie exploring Franny, her futuristic world, her wacky family, and her giant squid butler.
3. Milo’s Crew, Atlantis: The Lost Empire
This entry might technically be cheating since there are multiple characters. But c’mon, how could I choose? Audrey Ramirez began working as a mechanic at age 5 and invented the assembly line production for Henry Ford at 13. Gaetan Molière was exploring the sewers of Paris at age 7. Vincenzo Santorini worked in a flower shop until the laundry next door exploded; instead of being traumatized, like most people would, he decided that it was a sign he should go into demolitions. Joshua Sweet fought in the Spanish-American War and was Theodore Roosevelt’s personal physician. Wilhelmina Packard had 11 husbands and Cookie shot a customer in the leg when he complained about his food. And all of this is before the events of Atlantis: The Lost Empire! With such a fun and diverse group of characters, they could lead a movie about a trip to IKEA and I would still watch it.
2. Emmitt Otterton, Zootopia
Emmitt Otterton’s main purpose in the movie is to go savage and be the catalyst for Nick and Judy to go on a crazy adventure. And it is a crazy adventure, mainly because Emmitt’s life is so crazy. On the surface, he’s a mild-mannered otter. He has a loving wife and two kids. He works as a florist. He wears sweaters, slacks, and a paisley tie. Oh, and he’s also good friends with a crime boss.
He works as the florist of Mr. Big, the most feared crime boss in Zootopia. And he doesn’t just work for him either; apparently he’s “like family,” and close enough that he can just call him up out of the blue for a chat. If that’s not enough, he also regularly attends a nudist club, which a sentence I can’t believe I’m typing about a Disney character. At the end of the movie, he is seen dancing at Gazelle’s concert, because even recovering from losing your mind for months can’t stop Emmitt’s party spirit. Since Emmitt Otterton doesn’t even speak in Zootopia, there’s definitely still some unplumbed depth to his character that could be explored in his very own movie.
1. Cobra Bubbles, Lilo and Stitch
I feel like the picture of Cobra Bubbles should be enough to convince you that he’s badass enough for a movie of his own. However, if you need more convincing, there’s plenty of material in the movie. He’s a social worker in Hawaii, in charge of handling the difficult cases. Judging by his response to Lilo’s question, he might have killed someone before. He routinely spits out beautiful phrases such as “you have been adrift in the sheltered harbor of my patience”. He has a knack for standing dramatically on a beach at the right time. In one of the last scenes, it’s also revealed that he was a CIA agent that was present at Roswell and once saved the world by convincing an alien race that mosquitoes were an endangered species. That sentence alone deserves a trilogy of movies, at least.
Yet despite his stoic demeanor, Cobra Bubbles has a good heart. His dedication to making sure Lilo is properly taken care of might make him an antagonist, but it definitely doesn’t make him a bad person. The scene where Lilo’s house explodes and he takes her away from Nani is heartbreaking, but even more so is his passionate yell of “IS THIS WHAT SHE NEEDS?” Cobra Bubbles is number one not just because he is incredibly awesome, but also because he has the heart to carry the emotional themes of whatever movie he’s in. Unfortunately, it seems that Disney is too busy spying on children to consider a Cobra Bubbles movie, but a girl can dream.