Sex. Okay, now that I have your attention, have you ever noticed that men are expected to initiate everything? Dating, texting, asking to hang out, proposing, etc., it’s all a men’s world when it comes to first contact. So it may surprise you that often this stereotype collapses when it comes to the bedroom. Or, it may not.
Ladies, you all know what I’m talking about. Suddenly when a man is supposed to perform to his peak ability, they find themselves falling flat (pun intended) and facing an embarrassing and unexpected dilemma. What could possibly be the reason behind his inability to please? Let me tell you, it’s all in his head.
Gone are the days of the timid, passive, female lover who delicately awaits her prince’s seed. Here’s to all the females who know exactly what they want from their man, and expect them to be able to give it to them. In theory, you might laugh at the idea of a guy passing up sex with an attractive and confident girl. In reality, men are not the unfeeling, robotic lusty machines that they are stereotyped to be. Expectations matter. And living up to being a man is just as difficult inside the bedroom as it is out.
In my experience, I have been told that I “am a beautiful flower who should not be desecrated.” And he was completely serious. How could this boy, who I had been dating for many years, possibly come up with such an archaic concept of sex? The answer is simple my flowers: sex is equally important to men as it is to women, and their problem is they are afraid to admit it. This internal conflict between pounding away at a random hook up, and pleasing a special girl, is enough to make even the most confident boy crack. Below are some reasons I have compiled as to why a boy sometimes “overthinks” in bed:
He’s Not That Into You:
Obviously, this problem cannot be solved. If a guy seems reluctant or hesitant at all, chances are that he’s trying to have sex with you because he feels it’s something he’s “supposed” to do rather than something he’d actually like. Back to my point that mean are not robots, he probably can’t get it up because neither his heads nor his heart are into the moment.
He’s Too Into You:
This is a tricky one. Hypothetically, a guy who feels strongly about you emotionally should be willing to provide the most satisfying experience possible. The emotional connection should bring excitement, passion, and epic orgasms….in theory. Cut to reality, and a guy who finds himself freaked out at what you’ll think of him and his sexual ability completely ruins the moment. It’s easy for a guy to shut off and mindlessly defile a casual exploit---but when adrenaline and nerves gets involved, it’s very common for a guy’s performance anxiety to completely overwhelm him. Not only this, but once the freak out ruins one episode of sex, the added anxiety of it happening again continues to haunt his erotic exploits. This vicious cycle damages future bedroom compatibility, and may damn a could-be beautiful thing. My advice, talk it out. Be honest, be bold, be calm. Build up his confidence a little, stroke his ego (and maybe a little more). And here’s the best part: keep trying. The more comfortable he gets with you the better the sex will become, and in combination with the emotional interest, the bedroom will turn from implosive to explosive.
Naturally, one would like to think that our sexual partner is so excited about us that nothing else could ever be on his mind. But if he has a lot of issues on his mind involving school, work, family, grades, sports, etc. don’t sweat it when he’s not in the mood. In fact, the more supportive you are during his tribulations, the more likely he will show his appreciation at a later and more opportune time. There is nothing worse then adding to his stress by stressing about his momentary disinterest. See my next point.
Don’t be a bitch. Truly, everything that I can say on this point is summarized in the preceding sentence. A whiny, naggy, irritating companion in the bedroom is about as sexy as herpes. This is not to be confused with a confident, extroverted, and sexily demanding mentality, but rather should be avoided at all times. It doesn’t matter how hot you are, how into you he is, or how horny you both are, pissing off the person you are trying to have sex with will completely ruin all good vibes.